Since I began this project, I’ve written dozens of pieces about Mitch Hedberg jokes and their greater applicability to concepts in life that transcend the surface-level subject matter of the jokes.

For example, a joke that seemed like it was just about bananas could turn out also to be about the Buddhist concept of impermanence.

With THIS joke, the subject matter itself seems to address a larger life topic to begin with: racism.

And maybe that’s why it’s taken me so long to get to this particular joke. Because it can be easier to make something large out of something seemingly smaller, but to make something large out of something already large? That would be like a (bigger) hat on a (currently already fairly big) hat. Like a sombrero on a yarmulke. Or a cowboy hat on a beanie.

Interlude:

When I was getting my master’s degree in linguistics, I had to write a thesis. In determining what the topic of my thesis would be, my adviser offered a lot of ideas. Knowing I was a comedian, one of the resources she told me about was a study of New Yorker cartoons, in which they were analyzed into categories based on whether the image was (and I’m paraphrasing here) realistic or fantastical, and whether the caption was realistic or fantastical.

Accepting those binaries (while acknowledging that reality can be fantastical and fantastical things can be real), the researchers broke down all the cartoons into four quadrants: realistic image with realistic caption, realistic image with fantastical caption, fantastical image with realistic caption, and fantastical image with fantastical caption.

Now, I was not one of these researchers, I didn’t look through all of their work, and I didn’t end up using any of this in my thesis project, but it still stuck with me as something useful. (”Maybe I’ll have a Substack newsletter 20 years from now and this information will come in handy,” I surely thought to myself back in the aughts.)

All that said, my understanding is that the vast majority of the cartoons fell into two of the four categories, the ones where there was a mismatch of the realism and fantasticalism of the caption and the image.

As an example, one of my favorite New Yorker cartoons comes from Bruce Eric Kaplan and features God in heaven saying to an angel with a clipboard, “Oh, and c.c. the Devil.”

That one, I would classify as a fantastical image with a realistic caption, and the juxtaposition of that everyday language with the outlandish picture is where the humor arises.

Others would feature a realistic image with the caption being absurd.

Sometimes, a cartoon might feature a realistic image with a realistic caption, resulting in a kind of social commentary perhaps.

But the rarest combination was fantastical image plus fantastical caption.

And I think the reason why is exemplified most elegantly in this quote:

“We cannot have the extraordinary without the ordinary. Just as the supernatural is hidden in the natural. In order to fly, you need something solid to take off from. It’s not the sky that interests me but the ground. . . . When I was in Hollywood the [script] writers said, surely Mary Poppins symbolizes the magic that lies behind everyday life. I said no, of course not, she is everyday life, which is composed of the concrete and the magic.”

—P. L. Travers, author of Mary Poppins

“In order to fly, you need something solid to take off from.”

The concrete AND the magic.

The fantastical needs to be fantastical in comparison to SOMETHING. Something real.

And this is why so many of my pieces here start from something small. Because in order to create something larger, I must start from something smaller.

And racism is not small.

The good news: this Mitch Hedberg joke is not REALLY about racism.

It’s more about Mitch’s faux exasperation with exaggeration.

His character in the joke is entirely fine with treating people of all EXISTING colors the same. And it’s only when people start bringing in colors of people that do not exist, that he takes issue, comedically. “To hell with purple people!” But really, what does he mean by that? “To hell with people who DON’T EXIST.” Implying care for people who DO EXIST. What’s the opposite of “to hell”? To heaven! To heaven with people who do exist!

And even in his denouncing the non-existent purple people, he also acknowledges that sometimes there might BE a real life existing purple person, purple because they are suffocating, and in that case, he says “help ‘em”! Which is entirely reasonable and kind.

Regardless of the color of someone’s skin, if the person exists, treat them kindly. Help them. Give them what they need.

A joke that seemed like it was about something big but was really something slightly different ended up actually being about something big: loving kindness.

Thank you for receiving this, my existing friends! To heaven with you and with all who exist! (And c.c. the Devil on that.)

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And now, because I also like sharing my own jokes, here are some of those!
These are all about colors, in a way! Enjoy!

A) is for A rhyme with purple:

People say nothing rhymes with purple.
But you know who’ll come up with one? THIS twerp’ll.

B) is for Betty White:

Betty White’s character on The Golden Girls was ultimately the wisest, because it’s nice to see the world through Rose-colored glasses.

C) is for Christmas trees:

A Christmas tree is a paradox because it’s both seasonal AND evergreen.

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And that’s about it from me.
But what about from YOU?
Here are some questions!

1) How are you doing? What is new and good? How is your heart?
2) Do you have a favorite color? What is one of them and why?
3) Do you have a favorite Golden Girl? What is one of them and why?
4) Do you have a favorite New Yorker cartoon? You know the drill!
5) How are you doing NOW?

Leave a comment

And that’s about it for NOW.
But what about for LATER?
Here are some of my upcoming stand-up gigs!

— Brooklyn, NY: Comedy Social at 12pm (noon) on July 19
— Catskill, NY: Avalon Lounge at 7:30pm on July 29
— Providence, RI: Providence Comedy Underground at 8pm on July 31-August 1
— Hanover, PA: Church of Satire at 8pm on September 5
— Lancaster, PA: Tellus 360 at 7pm on September 6
— Cleveland, OH: Hilarities on September 11-12 (link coming soon)
— Louisville, KY: Planet of the Tapes at 7:30pm and 9:45pm on September 18
— Herndon, VA: GreenFare doors/dinner at 6, show at 7pm on September 19
— Frederick, MD: Cellar Door on September 20 (link coming soon)
— Altoona, PA: McGarvey’s at 8pm on October 1
— Provo, UT: Dry Bar taping on October 16 (link coming soon)
— Missoula, MT: The Roxy at 8pm on November 12
— Helena, MT: Helena Comedy Festival on November 14 (link coming soon)
— Boise, ID: The Comedy Lounge at 7pm on November 15
— Missouri (a few dates in December coming soon! Stay tuned!)

More coming soon!
Stay tuned here and/or at Punchup.live/MyqKaplan!
And that’s about all for now!

Much love to you and yours and all!

PS Bonus: here’s a joke of mine accompanied by photos of me doing stand-up!
Follow me on social media for more!

Welcome to the FINAL installment of this multi-part discussion I’ve been having with/about this NY Times interview with Seth Rogen. Thanks for being here!

“There’s the public-facing side of it… But the personal side of it is just so nuanced…”

First, if you want to familiarize yourself with the accusations against Franco, here is the section o…

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Thank you for being here! We are really working our way through my thoughts on this NY Times interview with Seth Rogen that came out on June 13!

Here is the next batch of my responses!

“I come from a group of friends who were very communicative and open and not afraid of sharing what they were feeling with one another.”

I feel very fortunate t…

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“…if famous people aren’t treated in a certain way, it makes them think they’re not as talented as they wish they were.”

I have so much to say about this.

There are so many elements involved here.

Fame. Talent. Success.…

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Thank you for being here! Time for another edition of Me Responding To Seth Rogen’s Words From This NY Times Interview That I Really Enjoyed!

Before I get to today’s batch of ideas, I want to share that just YESTERDAY I got the opportunity to see his newest movie, “The Invite,” which opens next month I believe, and I loved it. It’s hilarious…

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As you may have seen (or intuited from the name of this piece), this is the next piece in a continuing saga of my responses to this Seth Rogen interview in the NY Times. Here we go!

“I was ravenously pursuing a thing.”

Here’s a joke I just wrote about Seth Rogen’s experience starting out doing comedy as a child:

”Even at a very young age, Seth…

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Perhaps you read my piece, “Seth Rogen is great…” Part 1, where I shared some thoughts I had inspired by this NY Times interview with him. And either way, here are some more thoughts about some more of the things he said!

“It’s not that creatively interesting to me to show two people falling in love.”

I love this.

What I love about it is that…

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Feel free to read the whole thing, or just the excerpts I’m sharing here plus my reactions, or nothing at all, or whatever you want!

Some backstory of my engagement with Seth Rogen: I first saw him in …

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Today I’d like to share some thoughts I had about a joke that my friend Ramin Nazer posted to Threads a couple days ago:

“People don’t understand how money works. Elon doesn’t have a trillion gold coins that he swims in. His wealth is stored in something called ‘assets’ and ‘accounts’.

In order to even get a $20 bill, he would need to withdra…

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Nick Vatterott is a friend of mine and one of the funniest comedians I know (and I know a lot of comedians). I saw him tweet this maybe 10 years ago and I think about it FREQUENTLY.

I’ve been planning to write about it for a while, and since Seinfeld was in the news this week for being asked to say “Free Palestine” and responding “it doesn’t exist,” let me take this opportunity to say that that response is particularly thoughtless, at a time when Palestinians are being tragically starved and killed, and it would have been very simple to acknowledge that these people exist and that they don’t deserve that treatment, that they deserve peace and freedom and food and medical care and joy and love and fulfillment and meaning, just as we all do. Free Palestine.

And of course, the attack by Hamas on October 7 a few years ago was heinous as well, because no one deserves to be murdered, and this does not have to be an either/or proposition. I can be Jewish while simultaneously mourning these deaths and also wishing that Israel’s government was not causing the deaths that it is causing. We can understand that not every Israeli and not every Jewish person supports these actions, the same way we can understand that not every American supports all of the actions of the American government and military. We can be opposed to violence of all kinds and have love and compassion for all human beings. We can love our country and want it to do better. We can want and work towards peace for all, and we can learn from people who are doing great work in spreading this message, like Aziz Abu Sarah and Maoz Inon, who have both lost loved ones to violence but have come together lovingly to move forward in the name of peace (for example, in their TED Talk which is called “A Palestinian and an Israeli, Face to Face”).

So, I don’t think Seinfeld is an expert on human rights.

I might say even that he is an expert on NOTHING, because his famous show was famously a “show about nothing.”

But if he is an expert on anything, I’d say stand-up comedy would be up there. His show is legendary, his conversations with other comedians about comedy are full of joy and meaning, his skill as a comedic craftsman is clear, and his love of comedy is beautiful, which is why Vatterott’s post tickles me so much.

For context, Seinfeld has long touted the idea that “The audience is always right.” For example, in this NY Times article.

This is an important idea in comedy. Even if it’s not 100% true, it’s valuable for a comedian to act as though it is. Because if the two ingredients that go into a show going well are the comedian’s performance and the audience’s reaction, then the only one that we comedians have control over is our performance. So, if we don’t get the audience reaction we want, what can we do to change that for next time? Blaming the audience doesn’t foster growth for us. Thinking that we can do better DOES.

Are there times when the audience is too drunk to listen? Sure. Are there times when the audience is full of people that don’t fully understand the language the comedian is speaking? Sure. Are there other examples of situations where the comedian can “do everything right,” telling jokes that work 99% of the time but for some reason THIS audience on THIS night in THIS club doesn’t respond? Sure!

But “the audience is always right” is a great north star to follow, even if it’s not literally true all of the time, and I appreciate Seinfeld expressing it.

Regarding Vatterott’s other line from Seinfeld, the one about colleges, that comes from another interview that Seinfeld did about a decade ago, where he basically says that young people “don’t know what they’re talking about.”

And yet, sometimes young people ARE the audience.
(Which, if you remember, is always right.)
A beautiful irony.

Is the audience always right?
Or do they not know what they’re talking about?

I submit that age MAY not be the determining factor in someone knowing what they are talking about.

For example, when younger people express anti-racism, anti-sexism, anti-homophobia, anti-transphobia, anti-xenophobia, anti-Islamophobia, anti-anti-semitism, etc., they are RIGHT.

And older people are right if they express those ideas as well!

Everyone can be right!
Unless I don’t know what I’m talking about.
Like Seinfeld.

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And now, because I also like to share my own jokes, here are some of those!

A) is for A tiny chunk of a poem:

A small poetic unit by Jerome
(That’s Seinfeld!) and a friend who helped him forge
Something like this tiny chunk of poem
Would be a “Co-stanza,” woohoo, by George!

B) is for Breaking it down:

The show “Seinfeld” was not really a show about NOTHING, as they claimed.
It was about shirts, buttons, restaurants, lots of things. EVERYTHING really.
Like, every episode of the show could have been about ANYTHING.
And getting away with claiming it was about NOTHING?
That was really SOMETHING.

C) is for Comedians in Cars getting Coffee:

I have an idea for a similar show called “Comedians at Home Drinking Tea on Their Own Not Filming Any of It.”

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That’s about it from me.
But what about from you?
Here are some questions!

1) How are you doing? What is new and good? How is your heart?
2) Is the audience always right?
3) Does anyone know what they are talking about?
4) Did my “Co-stanza” joke make sense?
5) How are you doing NOW?

Leave a comment

And that’s about it for now.
But what about for later?
Here are some of my upcoming stand-up dates!

— NYC: Greenpoint Comedy Club at 7:30pm on June 23
— Burlington, VT: Vermont Comedy Club at 7pm June 25-26
— Hanover, PA: Church of Satire at 8pm on September 5
— Lancaster, PA: Tellus 360 at 7pm on September 6

More coming soon!
Stay tuned here and/or at Punchup.live/MyqKaplan!

And that’s about all for now!
Much love to you and yours and all!

PS Bonus: here’s a joke of mine accompanied by photos of me doing stand-up!
Follow me on social media for more!

Today, I’d like to share one of the comments someone left, that I really appreciate:

Someone said “thank you for explaining that…

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People say "Mitch, why'd you get into comedy? Were you funny?" "No, I was just good at holding ice cream cones." — Mitch Hedberg

There is something so simple about this.

And something larger.

The simple thing is this: an ice cream cone and a microphone have very similar shapes, so if you’re good at holding one, perhaps you’ll be good at holding the other.

For example, check out this cartoon of me holding an ice cream cone as well as broccoli with a microphone on my shirt, courtesy of Ramin Nazer who created this wonderful art as the logo for my podcast, Broccoli & Ice Cream!

Back to Mitch.

Mitch’s joke is funny to me for multiple reasons.

One reason: the concept of being “good at holding ice cream cones.”

I mean, I’ve certainly seen sad children lose control of their cones, but after a certain point, I think most people can handle holding a cone as well as anyone else. There’s a reason that ice cream cone-holding isn’t an Olympic event or a Guinness record you can win*. Probably several reasons.

Another reason that the joke is funny: the idea that being good at holding a microphone is what you need in order to become a comedian. For sure, it can help! But also, you’re allowed to just leave the mic in the stand.

The larger thing is this: the message in this joke is not so far removed from the way many people think about things in life. If something looks like something on the surface, maybe there’s a deeper connection.

My understanding is that Warren G. Harding was a particularly ineffective president, but he was elected in large part because he was tall and handsome and fit people’s image of what a president should LOOK like. He presented presidentially.

Perhaps function DOES follow form sometimes. And we are visual creatures, most of us. We can see farther than we can hear, smell, taste, or touch. So it makes sense that we use visual information to make assessments of the world, when no further information is available.

Also, sometimes function follows form because of a self-fulfilling prophecy of a kind. Perhaps you’ve heard this: “Whether you think you can, or you think you can’t—you’re right,” which is often attributed to Henry Ford though check out the history of other people who have said similar things including as far back as the first century BC, including this one that I think is more accurate: “If you believe you can’t do a thing you certainly can’t do it. If you believe you can do it you usually can.”

There’s also nominative determinism, the theory that suggests a person’s name might influence their choice of career (e.g. a person named Dennis being more likely to become a dentist).

Maybe Mitch WAS really good at holding ice cream cones, and that led to his career in a case of nom-nom-nominative determinism.

Who knows how early in his life he saw the connection between the similar shape of the cone and the ‘phone (look, even their names have a similar sound-shape).

Maybe that connection (CONE-ction?) was the first one he ever made, and in fact it was the noticing of that connection as humorous to him that was the seed that he watered until it grew into a gigantic tree of a comedy career, with so many discoveries of synchronicities branching off of it.

Maybe it all started because someone noticed him noticing this similarity and said, “You’ve got what it takes, kid!” and he believed it.

And maybe the person that said that to him was himself.

He believed he could and I’m glad he did.

Because he was right.

PS If you’re eating a lot of ice cream, you might need the services of Dennis the Dentist.

* Here are some ice cream-related Guinness records you CAN win:
Tallest (3.08 meters)
Most scoops balanced (132)
Heaviest scoop (3,010 pounds)
Largest sundae (24.91 tons)
Most expensive ($6,696)
Most eaten in a minute (29.59 ounces)
Most varieties on display (1,301)
Most flavors commercially available (238... Take that, Baskin Robbins! I feel like this is the one to beat!)

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And now, because I also like to share jokes of my own, here are some of those!

A) is for A joke about ice cream:

What’s the ice cream store most named for what you do in sun after getting away successfully after a heist, but named in reverse order? Baskin’, Robbin’.

B) is for a Bonus fun thing about that last joke:

One of my favorite heist movies is Ocean’s 11, and if you rearrange all the letters of “Ocean,” you know what you can get? A CONE!

C) is for being a Cone artist:

With all this ice cream talk, I just want to remind everyone that I’m vegan and that vegan ice cream is delicious and if I were to open a vegan ice cream place I might call it “Häagen-Dazsn’t.”

D) is for Districts:

Dividing ice cream districts is known as Ben and Jerrymandering.

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And that’s about it from me.
But what about from YOU?
Here are some questions you can answer!

1) How are you doing? What is new and good? How is your heart?
2) Does your job have any connection to your name?
3) What’s your favorite vegan ice cream?
4) How about your favorite heist movie?
5) And how are you doing NOW?

Leave a comment

And that’s about it for now.
But what about for later?
Here are some of my upcoming stand-up dates!

— NYC: Greenpoint Comedy Club at 7:30pm TONIGHT (June 5)
— Burlington, VT: Vermont Comedy Club at 7pm June 25-26
— Lancaster, PA: Tellus 360 at 7pm on September 6

More coming soon!
Stay tuned here and/or at Punchup.live/MyqKaplan!
And check out this fun and relevant flyer by my friend McKinley Cox made from a photo by my friend Mindy Tucker!

And that’s about all for now!
Much love to you and yours and all!

PS Bonus: here’s a joke of mine accompanied by photos of me doing stand-up!
Follow me on social media for more!

Thank you for being here. Today, I complete my alphabetical run of things I’m grateful for that began here!

S is for Silence. I’ve heard good things about it. Ironic. (That I’ve HEARD good things about it.) I’ve even experienced it once or twice.

T is for Talking. I am basically made of talking. I make my living talking. I love talking to fr…

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N is for a Number of people I love. For example, Nathan Fielder. He has created Numerous Notable works of art like “Nathan For You” and “The Rehearsal,” the second season of which is a particular masterpiece. …

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A few days ago, I started sharing a list of 26 people and experiences that I cherish, and some reasons why. I got up to D, basically. Here are a few more letters’ worth of cherishing:

E is for Everything. Without everything, what would anything be? Nothing.

F is for Friendship. Without friendship, what would anything…

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“Hollywood needs to cast more actors of color and me” ― Gianmarco Soresi

Gianmarco tweeted this in 2020, and I’ve thought about it a lot since then.

It’s very relatable and very funny.

It reminds me initially of this passage from a teaching by a nun named Venerable Tenzin Tsapel that my Buddhist friend Gus shared with me once:

“We are training to broaden our cherishing—not to destroy our care for ourself. We are making the care for each other being equal to the care we have for ourselves, so there is no need for our care of others to be repaid in some way. That’s how our care for others should be. When we are partial towards ourselves it’s like having a million dollar coins in a great pile and you are only interested in one out of all those dollars. They all have equal value but our self-cherishing is only focused on one, it has the chance to cherish millions. It can use the millions to work for the good of others, but is only interested in one.

What can you do with one dollar compared to a million dollars? You can’t even buy a cup of coffee in most places. This one dollar that you are cherishing seems really ridiculous. If you went down to the bank and said you wanted to invest the one dollar, they would tell you to forget it. If they knew you had a million dollars but you don’t care about the others they would think you were crazy.

Of course the sane thing is to value each one dollar in that pile equally and use it all. So like that our self-cherishing is crazy. And the sane thing to do is to cherish each being equally to ourselves. So the more beings we are able to establish in buddhahood the better. We could have a million buddhas doing millions of enlightened activity for people. But we don’t do that because we still have this self-cherishing attitude. When we can see how faulty that is, how harmful it is and how cherishing others brings everything we ever wanted and so much more, then we begin to see others as precious and our being able to give to them as their being kind.

Even though there are so many beings in the world, we are totally focused on ourselves and our view point. We divide the world into what is important to me and what isn’t. There’s me and this big world out there and I’m part of it, but I’m seeing it in terms of what helps me and what harms me. We are trained to be a bit more socialised than that but scratch the surface a little and you will find that attitude.

Even if you only have three dollars, the two are more important than the one. But when we are part of a group of three we still want our way over the others. Self-cherishing is pathetic.” — Venerable Tenzin Tsapel

The first comedy club I ever performed at was the Comedy Studio in Cambridge, MA. I would go on to perform there many times and I remember the owner, Rick Jenkins, coming up to me after every show and thanking me for performing. And I would thank him for having me.

Early on, I would think “Why is HE thanking ME? I am grateful for the stagetime that I need because I’m just starting out, and he could book all the professional, already-funny comedians he wants to, but he’s giving me, a newbie, a chance, so I should be thanking HIM, not the other way around.”

Eventually, I would come to see our gratitude as mutually INclusive. Without the club, where would I perform? Without comedians, what would the club be?

I experience this mutual gratitude with audience members as well. Sometimes after a show, an audience member might say “thank you for the laughs,” and I will say back to them “thank YOU for the laughs.”

It’s a beautiful, funny, weird symbiotic relationship wherein both comedian and audience member can conceive of the other one providing laughter.

I’m also reminded of this piece of wisdom from the Talmud:

“If I am not for myself, who will be for me? If I am not for others, what am I? And if not now, when?” ―Rabbi Hillel

Humans are communal. We need one another. I eat food but I don’t grow food. I live in a building but I’ve never built a building. I use plumbing but I’m not a plumber. I take medicine but I don’t manufacture medicine (except for the laughter kind, which I’m told is the best, so I am earning my keep in our society).

The whole world is communal. All of existence is communal. All sentient beings (and non-sentient ones?), all of being is, as Thich Nhat Hanh puts it, inter-being. The flower exists because the sun exists, and water, and dirt.

Some people value themselves at the expense of others.
Some people value others at the expense of themselves.

It can be a challenging equilibrium to balance.

I hope we can all do our best to be for others and for ourselves, to see the value in everyone including our own.

And once that happens across the board, I believe that Hollywood WILL be casting more actors of color, of all genders and orientations, of all abilities, of all cultures, of every marginalized group, AND Gianmarco. And also me.

(And you. I cherish YOU.)

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And now, because I also like sharing jokes that I’ve written, here are some!

A) is for A million dollars:

I’ve got a million dollar idea: give everyone a million dollars!

B) is for Bucks:

Some stores and organizations have their own money you can spend there, like Disney Dollars. What if Starbucks had their own? They could call it Starbucks Bucks. Or just Star Bucks. Or whatever they wanted! PS Do they already do this? If so, good work, Starbucks!

C) is for a bit of a scene about Coin:

PERSON A: I want to know everything there is!
PERSON B: *starts telling Person A about Bitcoin*
PERSON A: Never mind!

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That’s about it from me.
But what about from you?
Here are some questions!

1) How are you doing? What is new and good? How is your heart?
2) Any wisdom you want to share?
3) Grateful for anything lately or ever?
4) Seen any good movies?
5) How are you doing NOW?

Leave a comment

And that’s about it for now.
But what about for later?
Here are some of my upcoming stand-up dates!

— Minneapolis, MN: Acme Comedy Co. (Wednesday-Saturday, May 6-9) *
— Portsmouth, NH: BLEND603 (Friday, May 22) **
— Cambridge, MA: The Comedy Studio (Saturday, May 23) ***
— Newport, RI: Newport Craft Brewing (Sunday, May 24, 6pm & 8pm) ****

* I am recording a new album at these Minneapolis shows, so if you know anyone in the area, thanks for considering letting them know!

** Just added recently! Tell all your NH friends!

*** For the Comedy Studio shows, you can use the code “MYQ” at checkout and that will take $10 off of any purchase of $40 or more. And you can use that for ANY Comedy Studio shows, not just mine. Though I recommend mine! (And also check out the fun poster my friend McKinley Cox made to celebrate these shows!)

**** Part of the Rogue Island Comedy Festival!

And that’s about all for now!

Much love to you and yours and all!

PS Bonus: here’s a joke of mine accompanied by photos of me doing stand-up!
Follow me on social media for more!