an apocalypse a day ALSO keeps the doctor away
whimsical thoughts on the concept of an apocalypse
dear friends, family, fans, fellow folks of all feathers,
i am grateful that you are here!
thank you for being who you are and where you are.
and now, for some silly jokes, fun thoughts, AND MORE!
A) A is for Apocalypse:
"what are your goals"
"to be a full time comedian"
"what if the apocalypse happens"
"then i might change my goals"
"to…?"
"part time"
over 20 years ago, when i discovered that i wanted to be a comedian, my goal became to be a comedian FULL TIME. to make my living fully from comedy, if that was possible. and i’m super grateful to have achieved that. for the past 15 years or so, i haven’t had to do jobs that weren’t comedy or related to comedy, and i know i’m very lucky for that to be so.
of course, when the pandemic hit and society went on lockdown, that was as close to an apocalypse as i’ve experienced in my lifetime. there was of course the horrendous toll it took on the lives of so many people and i was very fortunate not to be majorly adversely affected in many ways. professionally for me though, there were no more live standup comedy shows, except for a few outdoor ones in a park near to my home (standing far from people, often with no microphone, still full of anxiety about particles in the air), which turned out to be very similar to merely nervously yelling at people in the park. (its own kind of a-PARK-alypse? it’s fine if your answer is no.)
during the lockdown, the future seemed uncertain. medically, financially, emotionally, etc. and i suppose at that time, even the PRESENT seemed uncertain. (thank goodness the future is certain again, just like it was before.) one thing i’m supremely thankful for, from that time, is that technology, society, comedy, and more all adapted to continue to allow us to DO things, albeit in a different, part-time-ish kind of way. my joke came true! (and i actually wrote it in 2017, or possibly earlier.)
now, i’m a “full time” comedian again. but what does that even mean? full time? all the time? what do i do ALL the time? i’m a full time human. a full time partner to my wonderful girlfriend rini. a full time son to my parents. a full time friend to my friends. a full time bunch of molecules, i think. and i’m a LOT-OF-THE-TIME comedian. and a lot is plenty. like a long-time listener, first-time caller, i am happy to be a much-time comedian, full-time living person in this world. glad you are full-time living in it as well!
B) B is for Bpocalypse:
the meek shall inherit the earth
but also the non-meek might hire lawyers
to keep it all tied up in the courts until the apocalypse
or maybe that IS what the apocalypse itself will be
i always wondered about this “inheriting” of the earth. when does it happen? because we’re here now. we have already inherited the earth. we HAVE the earth. we kind of ARE the earth. meek and/or non-meek, if you’re reading this, you’re probably on the earth. (feel free to read that last sentence in a jeff foxworthy voice.)
so, if you’re here on the earth, you’ve inherited it! and it has inherited you! congratulations! you are the winner of (at least) one earthly existence! it’s like that home sweepstakes thing where they used to go to someone’s house and deliver them a big check (do they still do that?) but instead of a big check, we have all won a big planet!
what are you going to do with YOUR part of the planet?
C) C is for haikupoCalypse:
it's a bit weird that
"apocalypse now" came out
so, so long ago.
i wrote a joke once about how if you paint the words “wet paint” on something, they are true and then over time slowly become false. and that’s what the title “apocalypse now” feels like to me.
the NOW when that apocalypse was happening is in the past! (great news!) unless there’s ALWAYS an apocalypse happening, in which case the NOW is always applicable. but the great news about THAT is THIS:
if an apocalypse is ALWAYS happening, then it’s basically the same as if an apocalypse is NEVER happening. like a flip of how sometimes people say “if everyone is special, then no one is special.” which isn’t true either. but i like “if there’s always an apocalypse, there’s never an apocalypse.”
i hope you enjoy your constant non-apocalypse time on this earth as a full-time living human!
and those are the funs for NOW!
thank you for receiving this all, my friends!
also, for some more fun now, here are some questions for YOU:
1) how are you? how are you doing? how are you feeling? how is your heart?
2) what do you love doing full-time? part-time? sometimes?
3) do you consider yourself meek? non-meek? in between? both? neither?
4) what ARE you going to do with YOUR part of the planet?
5) how are you doing NOW?
and that’s ALMOST the end for today!
here are some upcoming standup dates of mine!
are you in any of these places? know people in them? hope to see you!
— June 17 at 3pm: ImPerfect at Dynasty Typewriter in Los Angeles, CA!
— June 21: Barrel Proof Lounge in Santa Rosa, CA!
— June 24-25: Alameda Comedy Club in Alameda, CA!
— July 1: Holiday Inn in Grantville, PA!
— July 6-8: Arlington Cinema and Drafthouse in Arlington, VA!
— July 12-15: Acme Comedy Co. in Minneapolis, MN!
— August 2-28: ImPerfect at the Edinburgh Fringe Fest in Scotland!
