Celebrating my Grandma Iris's birthday with funny stories, memories, jokes, quotes, AND promotion of upcoming shows in Boston, Columbus, Indy, KC, and more! (It's what she would have wanted!)
Jokes, Quotes, and Promotes! Iris wanted to make sure that I was working and making a living and what better way to do that than to share memories about her along with upcoming show information!
dear friends, family, fans, fellow folks,
i’m grateful that you’re here!
thank you for being here and being you!
as you may have heard about in the subject line, i’ll be headlining shows in boston tomorrow night, columbus and indianapolis next week, kansas city following that, and more! details below, along with a wonderful poster by mckinley cox made with a mindy tucker photo of me… BUT FIRST, the main reason we’re all here: jokes and memories and quotes and funny stories about my late grandma iris whose birthday was yesterday!
A) IS FOR A CLASSIC IRIS LINE:
IRIS: ”The day you were born was the 2nd best day of my life. The first was the day your mother was born.”
ME: ”What's the third best one?”
IRIS: ”When I woke up this morning and nothing new hurt me.”
(”I woke up this morning and nothing new hurt me” was also her go-to response to “how are you?”)
B) IS FOR BUSINESS:
ME POSTING ONLINE: "trans women are women"
SOME PEOPLE RESPONDING: *ignorant things*
IRIS AT 91 YEARS OLD RESPONDING BACK: "Why does everyone have to mind everyone's business. Do what you want with your bodies, call yourself what you want, and try to be happy!"
(beautiful advice. also just to clarify, most of the people who responded to my post agreed and supported and celebrated transgender people, and it was only sad minority of folks who replied ignorantly, and i wish they hadn’t, but i’m grateful that my grandmother responded to them as she did.)
C) IS FOR CASH CAB:
IRIS: “i like when he throws them out”
(that was her favorite part of the show “Cash Cab”)
D) IS FOR DRINKING TEA:
IRIS: ”Tea is only good when you are sick.”
ME: ”i love drinking tea even when i am not sick. i'm not saying it's good. but i do love drinking it.”
IRIS: ”Okay glad you like it even if it's not good.”
(she was absolutely pro-trans rights AND anti-tea. but even supportive of me having a different viewpoint on the subject of tea.)
E) IS FOR EARLY:
IRIS: “dinner is at 4pm. i don’t like it being so late, but i’ll take a nap.”
(this happened on Thanksgiving one year. i’m thankful that she was flexible and willing to forego her normal early bird special of having dinner right after she wakes up, or even before that, perhaps with today’s dinner being so early it was served yesterday.)
F) IS FOR FACEBOOK:
IRIS POSTING ON FACEBOOK: “Facebook Administrators: I am 90 years old and need my scrabble on Facebook. HELP!”
(i believe she was 90 years old at the time of this posting. she was very computer literate but could not fix scrabble on her own. sometimes she would even make a plea directly to zuckerberg, by which i mean she would include his name in the status update requesting a fix to the scrabble facebook interface.)
G) IS FOR GRANDMA:
IRIS: “i’m happy to hear your voice, i love you dearly, and i always read all the garbage you post on facebook”
(this was from a phone call in january of 2020, two months before she died at 91.)
H) IS FOR HOW A BILL BECOMES A LAW:
once, i posted a joke about how a bill becomes a law and she responded “A Bill became my husband in 1949.”
(it’s true! her husband’s name was bill!)
I) IS FOR IRIS:
ME: "how are you feeling, grandma?"
IRIS: "fine, but i'm easy to please"
(my favorite part is the "but")
J) IS FOR JOY:
A FAN OF MY PODCAST CONVERSATION WITH IRIS: "No offense to the other illustrious guests, but this is my favorite episode so far, no contest!"
IRIS WHEN I SHARED THAT COMMENT WITH HER: ”Wow! Looks like we got an ‘A.’ I can't imagine anyone but us enjoying. But I am happy if U R.”
(part 1 is here, part 2 is here)
and those are the top 10 grandma moments for right now! thank you for receiving! now, for some questions for YOU:
1) how are you feeling? how have you been? what is new and good?
2) any favorite stories about an iris-type from YOUR life?
3) do you like tea? what kind?
4) what is YOUR favorite episode of my podcast?
5) how are you feeling NOW?
and now, details about the headlining standup shows i’ve got coming up!:
— The Dugout Cafe in Boston on December 14 (tomorrow!)
— The Attic in Columbus, OH on December 19 (next week!)
— Helium in Indianapolis, IN on December 20-21 (next weekend!)
— The Comedy Club of KC in Kansas City, MO on December 27-29 (you get it!)
— The Plus in Eau Claire, WI on January 2, 2025 (next year!)
— Charlie’s Eatery in Rochester, MN on January 3, 2025 (next year!)
— Headflyer Brewing in Minneapolis, MN on January 4, 2025 (click “Events”!)
— Renwick Mansion in Davenport, IA on January 5, 2025 (guess what year!)
thank you so much for being here, there, wherever you are!
much love to you and yours and all!
and finally, as promised, a delightful poster:
