dog day laughternoon!

some jokes about dogs!

dear friends, family, fans, fellow folks,

i’m grateful that you’re here.
thank you for choosing to be here.
now, for a few jokes about dogs and a few sincere thoughts about those jokes!

A) flee the market!:

once i saw a dog at a flea market.
living dangerously!

i can understand why one might risk getting fleas to find a hidden treasure.
or maybe this particular dog was masochistic and ENJOYS getting fleas.
or maybe they were on the lookout for a reasonably priced flea collar.
i guess we can’t accurately judge the experience of another from the outside.
i believe that if i were a dog, i might not want to risk getting fleas.
but also i do like hidden treasures.
how about you?

B) a children’s song i’m working on:

"sometimes it rains cats and dogs
sometimes it drizzles puppies and kittens
sometimes it blizzards wolves and tigers
and for THAT you'll want to wear mittens."

cats and dogs are definitely bigger than your standard raindrops.
but they’re definitely smaller than your average tigers and wolves!
i often find it valuable to keep things in perspective.
at least it’s not monsooning godzillas!

C) a movie pitch:

"nothing in the rulebook that says a dog can't inherit all your money when you're dead" -- Heir Bud

now, i’ve never actually seen any of the Air Bud movies.
but i HAVE gotten a lot of joy out of the idea of them.
specifically, “nothing in the rulebook that says a dog can’t play basketball.”
it sounds both true and ridiculous at the same time.
and that’s one of my favorite combinations.

and that’s all the jokes and thoughts for the day!
before we go, here are some questions for you and some upcoming standup dates for me (and also for you).

QUESTIONS:

1) how are you? how is your heart? what is new and good with you?
2) do YOU like flea markets? or other places to find hidden treasures?
3) what is your favorite size of dog or cat or other animal?
4) do you have any favorite true/ridiculous things you’d like to share?
5) how are you NOW? i hope you are well as can be!

UPCOMING STANDUP DATES:

April 7-8 (THIS WEEKEND) headlining Off Cabot in Beverly, MA!
April 10-11 in RI and CT opening for my buddy Shane Mauss!
April 15 in NJ headlining the Sacred Comedy Show! ($10 off code for $10: MYQ)
April 16 and 19-20 in Philly and NJ opening for my buddy Shane Mauss!
May 19-20 headlining Hip to Be Square in Knoxville, TN!
June 17, ImPerfect at Dynasty Typewriter in Los Angeles!

finally, this photo is not about dogs, but it DOES appear to be a “refreshment center” for beavers (or termites), who seem like they might be FRIENDS with dogs (or fleas)! at least in a cartoon or my imagination or dreams.

thanks for being here!
much love to you and yours and all!