Happy Bag Day!

and the story of how Bag Day came to be known

dear friends, family, fans, followers, fellow folks,

i’m grateful that you’re here.
thank you for being here and being you.
now, for some jokes and stories about bags.

first, a story:

on this day in 2018, i performed on the late late show with james corden.

before the show started, i was hanging out in the green room with some friends, and someone from the show came in and told me that at the top of the show, james corden would chat with me while i was still in the green room, and i could just say something simple like “thanks for having me” OR i could come up with a very quick comedy bit to do, for extra fun.

i started looking around the room for ingredients to do a bit with. there was a swag bag full of things saying “the late late show with james corden,” like mugs and hats and such. i had an idea, pulled something out, and shared my thoughts with my friends:

"when james corden comes in here, i’m going to tell him that i got HIM something, and then i’m going to give him this shirt with his own name on it, and pretend like i got it for him and not vice versa.”

my friends agreed that that would be fun.

soon, james corden came to my dressing room, just as i’d been expecting! he greeted me jovially, and then i said to him, “i got you this shirt as a gift.” he took it, started laughing, and then said to me, “do you know how i know that you didn’t get me this shirt?” and i said “how do you know?” and then he unfolded the item and said “BECAUSE IT’S A BAG!”

it had been rolled up. i thought it was a shirt, but it was a tote bag.

it ended up even more hilarious than i had intended or imagined. AND a further joke (one that was on me): that meeting wasn’t even being taped for the show! that was just a genuine in-person meeting BEFORE the show started. he was just kindly welcoming me, not officially welcoming me as part of the show.

so now that my plan had worked so well, i got ready to do it FOR REAL. the show started. i was curious as to how james corden would be opening the show from the set where he does the show from AND coming to the room to welcome me to the show, but i figured they had it under control. they did. i didn’t.

he didn’t come back to the room at all. a camera came to the room and he welcomed me electronically through the screen, so i couldn’t hand him the bag and pretend it was a shirt again, because he wasn’t there, and cameras don’t have hands (yet). so he said “welcome to the show” and i said something simple like “thankS for having me.”

and that’s the story. plus, this wonderful epilogue:

my friend ramin nazer was one of the friends there that day, and he put together this wonderful image that i think about frequently and celebrate by remembering every year on this day, march 1, or Bag Day as i hope we’ll all call it from now on:

and now, for three quick jokes about bags:

A) is for A bag:

a sleeping bag is eventually a waking bag.

B) is for Boxing, and Bags:

"i'd hit that" -- a boxer, about a punching bag (that they want to sleep with)

C) is for Cool party!:

i saw a bag of potato chips that said “party size” but it was a regular size bag
which is cool because then if you just eat it all alone you can be like
“what a fun party!”

and that’s all for right now! now, for some questions for YOU:

1) how are you doing? what’s new and good with you?
2) do you have any fun bag-related stories?
3) have you ever had a party sized party that was regular size?
4) are there other questions you’d like to be asked?
5) how are you doing NOW?

thanks for being here! and also, thanks for being in any/all of these places where i’ll be doing shows in the next few months, starting in bethlehem PA tomorrow!

— Bethlehem, PA on March 2
— Rosemont, IL on March 14
— Milwaukee, WI on March 15-16
— Fort Collins, CO on April 10
— Lafayette, LA on April 18
— New Orleans, LA on April 19
— Mobile, AL on April 20
— Panama City, FL on April 21
— Dallas, TX on July 12-13

and finally, to celebrate the show i’m doing in PA tomorrow at a place called SteelStacks, here is a beautiful work of art that my friend mckinley cox designed (based on a mindy tucker photo of me) that i’m calling Man of SteelStacks!

thank you for receiving!
thank you for being here!
much love to you and yours and all!