if anyone sees why these jokes about weddings should not be made, speak now or forever hold your peace

or speak later, that's fine by me too

dear friends, family, fans, fellow folks, friends again, all,

i’m grateful you’re here!
thank you so much for being.
and now, some s

A) the most considerate way to have a destination wedding:

1) move far away
2) live there for years
3) return and celebrate by getting destination-married all the way back where everyone that you know lives already

i think this might really work.

for example, i just flew back from scotland (and boy are this joke tired!) and the feeling of being back in the US, right where i was before i spent more than a month in the UK, it is beautiful! also, the UK was beautiful! it’s wonderful to be away, and it’s wonderful to return home!

so make this work for you! if you want to have a destination wedding, just do it in your hometown and stay away from your hometown in the days/weeks/months/time-units-of-your-choice leading up to it! it’ll be just like the old thing of “not seeing the bride before the wedding” except instead of the bride it’s your town.

problem solved, everyone! i’m a destinational treasure!

B) the wedding zinger:

if you are a man who says marriage is between one man and one woman,
i say that for you marriage should be between one man and zero women.

a bonus here is that when i initially posted this on social media, my grandma iris (then about 90 years old) commented, ”Everyone should learn to mind his/her own business.”

C) reality bits:

i'm working on an idea for a dating/marriage reality show
where the premise is
we find people who want to date and get married on a reality show
and talk them out of it
because too many people are doing this.
i call it “Without Further ‘I Do’.”

now, i’m a big fan of dating reality shows. i’m very grateful for the ones that exist, and for the people that continue to sacrifice themselves to it for our amusement. my wonderful girlfriend rini has likened it to gladiators of ancient rome, though a little better because it’s more about love than war, though i’m sure the emotional pain inflicted on these reality shows comes close to or possibly even might exceed the physical pains of those arena battles.

so, if you’ve ever been on a reality show, thank you for your service. and i hope you got out unscathed. or if you’ve been scathed, i hope it wasn’t TOO scathing. i wish you more soothing than scathing!

and that’s all from me for right now! now, what about from YOU?

1) how are you doing? what is new and good? how have you been?
2) what’s the farthest you’ve traveled for a wedding?
3) what’s the farthest you’ve gone to avoid going to a wedding?
4) do you have any favorite dating/marriage reality shows?
5) how are you doing NOW?

and that’s all for today! now, for some FUTURE todays!
here are some places i’m doing standup shows in the coming month!

9/9: Brainerd, MN
9/10: Duluth, MN
9/13: Chippewa Falls, WI
9/14: Eau Claire, WI
9/15: International Falls, MN
9/16: Bemidji, MN
9/17: Janesville, WI

hope to see you there!
glad to see you here!
thanks so much, all!

PS in conclusion, here is a picture i took in the UK that does NOT help me remember which side of the road to drive on while i’m over there.