Jokes About Bones! a J.A.B. to your funny bones!

bone up on these jokes!

dear friends whose bodies consist of at least part bones (and any other boneless friends out there),

thank you for being here.
i’m grateful that you are here, now and always.
and now, please enjoy some silly jokes i have written about bones.

A) “A” is for A racist bone (comma, i don’t have…):

whenever someone says, "i don't have a racist bone in my body," that is technically true.

it's more the brain and the heart and the vocal cords and the tongue and maybe the teeth (oh wait, are teeth bones?) and the face and the eyes and the rest of the body i guess.

B) “B” is for Bone appetite!:

a new classic expression i’m working on:

give a dog a bone and it'll chew on it for a day.
but TEACH a dog to bone, and…
actually you don't have to do that.

dogs already know how to bone.
they don't usually call it boning though.
they call it "ruff sex"?

i'm very sorry, i went on a bit of a bone-doggie boondoggle there.
a real bonehead move that we can now move on from.
bone voyage!

C) ”C” is for bones that are Cross:

*pirate logo pitch meeting*

Person 1: "how about skull & bones"
Person 2: "isn't the skull a kind of bone?"

*Person 1 murders Person 2*

Person 3: "skull & bones sounds good!"

D) ”D” is for bonus Denver nugget (putting the “bone” in “bonus”):

something that makes just as much sense
as saying "it's 5 o'clock somewhere" is
"it's denver sometime!"

and that’s all the bone-bits for today!
thanks for being here! and for those of you in or around denver, thanks for being there where i’ll be soon! august 11-13 at the denver comedy works downtown! come on out! send your denver friends! and check out this wonderful (john) denver artwork my friend mckinley cox made out of a wonderful mindy tucker photo of me! spread the word! spread the picture that is worth ONE BILLION words (this one is more valuable than your average picture, i think). thanks!

love to you and yours and all!
thank you all for being here.
i can feel my gratitude for you in my bones! and heart! and hair and everywhere!