on hearts and brains and arts and trains (additional jokes and thoughts celebrating my new book "heart brain art train")

hope you enjoy this and that and these and those and all!

dear friends, family, fans, fellow folks,

i am grateful that you’re here!
in this world and receiving this message!
thank you and welcome to now!

in a continued celebration of my new book collaboration with ramin nazer, “heart brain art train,” today’s jokes/thoughts will all be heart/brain/art/train-inspired! please enjoy as desired and possible, and click the link to purchase the book if you like! we are super happy with it and proud of it! it has been 5+ years in the making, or billions of years if you count the whole universe which why not! love and thanks friends! here we go!

A) heart:

my favorite part of traffic has got to be
when someone a mile behind the action
just knows in their heart that honking will solve everything

whenever people ask me what my peeves are, i like to say that i don’t have any.
i LIKE to say that because one of my pet peeves is having pet peeves.
or it WOULD be if i had pet peeves (which i like to say that i don’t).

then after saying all that, i like to add that IF i had pet peeves
(which of course don’t because see above),
then one of my pet peeves would be HONKING WHEN YOU DON’T NEED TO!

and also, YOU ALMOST NEVER NEED TO!
IT’S NOT AN EMERGENCY IF SOMEONE DOESN’T MOVE THEIR CAR HALF A SECOND AFTER THE LIGHT CHANGES!

the dalai lama has said “be kind whenever possible; it is always possible.”
and i think at some point he’ll get around to adding this corollary:
”honk whenever necessary; it is almost always NOT necessary.”

B) brain:

"brain brain, go away" -- meditation

when i share that i meditate with people who don’t meditate, sometimes they react like this: “i can’t quiet my mind.” and i get it! i can’t quiet your mind either. when i reach the the level where i can, i’ll let you know!

C) art:

someone who creates
fictional stories
could be called
a make-up artist.

this is something that i made up.
but it’s not a fictional story.
so what shall i call myself?

D) train:

"when you go to the gym, do whatever you want"
-- impersonal trainer

i’m happy to be your impersonal trainer if you like!
and it needn’t be limited to the gym!
whenever you go ANYWHERE, do whatever you want!

and that’s all the heart/brain/art/train funs for the day!
thank you for receiving! and thanks for checking out the book here!
now, here are a few questions for YOU:

1) how are you? how is your heart? how is your brain?
2) what kind of art do you enjoy creating or receiving?
3) how do YOU feel about honking? and/or meditating?
4) what is your favorite mode of transportation? train? plane? brain?
5) how are you doing NOW?

and here are some standup dates that i have coming up (lots in the UK added!):

— July 6-8: Arlington Cinema and Drafthouse in Arlington, VA!
— July 12-15: Acme Comedy Co. in Minneapolis, MN!
— July 21: Tramlines Festival in Sheffield, UK!
— July 22: BlueDot Festival in Macclesfield, UK!
— July 23: Truck Festival in Oxfordshire, UK!
— July 24: Oxford Comedy Festival in Oxford, UK!
— July 25: Dabbers Social Bingo in Hackney, UK!
— July 26: Honk in Henley, UK!
— July 29-30: Y-Not Festival in Derbyshire, UK!
— August 2-28: ImPerfect at the Edinburgh Fringe Fest in Scotland!

and that’s all for today!
thank you so much for being here!
much love to you and yours and all, and i’ll leave you with this wonderful poster for my upcoming shows at Acme in MSP next week, courtesy of the fantastic artist mckinley cox and the delightful photography of mindy tucker! bye for now!