Son of a Bob!

that's me! my dad's name is Bob and his birthday was this week and so here are some dad-related jokes to celebrate him and it and me and you and this and all and thanks for being here!

dear friends, fans, family, fellow folks of all fashions,

i’m grateful that you’re here.
thank you for you-ing it up all over the place! (here specifically, right now.)
and now, for some dad jokes, in honor of my father whose birthday was yesterday! happy belated bob-day, everyone! (my father’s name is “bob.”)

A) A is for “here’s look Achoo, kid”:

a fun thing to do if you’re catholic, i bet,
could be to go into confessional and say
“bless me father for i have sneezed.”

in truth, i think this could be fun to do even if you’re NOT catholic. if anyone out there wants to give it a shot, let me know how it goes! also, if you ARE catholic and try it, i imagine you may have to go back to confessional as soon as possible thereafter, to apologize for pranking the priest in this way. regardless, for anyone who has considered this in any way, bless you.

B) B is for “Bob quiz, hotshot”:

pop quiz:
why isn't a paternity test called a pop quiz?

while i am not a father myself, this joke is of my creation and as such, i consider myself to be the apparent parent of this joke, a joke that i feel might be the daddest of dad jokes. so grab some popcorn while you consider whether there might be any cornier pop corn out there!

C) C is for “father’s work is not Child’s play”:

"do you have any idea who my father is?"
"someone with a not so important child, it seems."

i’ve long felt this way about that expression. i’ve seen snot-nosed characters like this in movies since i was a child, and i’ve often thought “does this person have no self-esteem of their own?” and of course, it’s nice to think positively of our parents. but not at the expense of ourselves! let us not erase our own experience in this world, shall we? so if anyone ever says to me “do you have any idea who my father is,” i might like to answer “do you have any idea who YOU are? because right now it sounds like you conceive of yourself as No One, Son of Someone.” some sincerity here: i’m grateful for BOTH of my parents, and am very happy to conceive of myself as Someone, Son of Two Someones. maybe that would be a fun autobiography, in the rhythmic vein of "A Tale of Two Cities”: The Son of Two Someones. what do you get when you cross someone with someone? someone else! and that’s me! this has really been something else. the point is, happy belated bob-day, everyone!

and that’s all of THAT fun for today!
thanks for having it with me!
now, for some questions for YOU:

1) how are you? what’s new and good?
2) have any fun stories about your parents? any relatives? anyone? bueller?
3) what would you call YOUR autobiography? do you have an idea who YOU are?
4) do you have any cornier pop corn that you’d like to share?
5) how are you doing NOW?

want more comedy? great news! i’m doing some in all these places coming soon!
— May 18: 123 Pleasant in Morgantown, WV!
— May 19-20: Hip to Be Square in Knoxville, TN!
— June 1: ImPerfect at Union Hall in Brooklyn, NY!
— June 9: Sierra Nevada Brewing Co. in Chico, CA!
— June 10: Greater Purpose Brewing Company in Santa Cruz, CA
— June 17: ImPerfect at Dynasty Typewriter in Los Angeles, CA!
— June 21: Barrel Proof Lounge in Santa Rosa, CA!
— June 24-25: Alameda Comedy Club in Alameda, CA!
— July 6-8: Arlington Cinema and Drafthouse in Arlington, VA!
— July 12-15: Acme Comedy Co. in Minneapolis, MN!
— August 2-28: ImPerfect at the Edinburgh Fringe Fest in Edinburgh, Scotland!

and finally, here’s another joke i am the father of, along with artwork by my friend katie barbaro who helped birth it into the world in this form! (as you may have read last week, my girlfriend rini and i are moving out of our home in a month, so this topic has been front and center of late!)

love and thanks all!
super appreciate that you’re here!
all the best to you and yours and all!