tales from the iris archives (a real memorial memo)

today is the anniversary of they day my grandmother died, and i love her and miss her and am grateful to be able to share these words about her, some fun and silly and others more sincere. thank you!

dear beloveds, belikeds, befriendeds, be-all-of-yous,

thank you for being here.
as always, i am grateful to you and for you.
today is the 2-year anniversary of my grandma iris dying, and i wanted to share a few fun and meaningful grandma iris-related items:

A) dance, dance, evolution:

about 5 years ago, i posted this to social media:

”dance like no one’s president”

and

my grandma iris commented, “yes!”

and that made me feel good.

B) doctor doctor, give me the no news is good news:

‪around the same time, i also posted this:

"an apple a day keeps the doctor away"‬
‪"aren't doctors good"‬
‪"yes but even better is NO doctors"‬

and

my grandma iris (who worked as a NURSE for four decades) commented,
“if you are not careful, they will kill you!”

and that made me laugh.

C) love, love, all:

finally, here is something i wrote just a few weeks before my grandmother died, in an email to my girlfriend rini. it’s not full of jokes, but i still want to share it, and i thank you for receiving:

"In an ethics class in college, we learned about a tribe, I believe, who would end the life of their elders when they could no longer contribute to the well-being of the community, with physical labor I believe. At a certain point, the elders knew that there were only so many mouths that could be fed, and it might bring them all down, so it was considered an honor to have someone in your family kill you, when it was time. A kind of euthanasia.

Life. I feel like I've been socialized to want to live as Long as possible, and sometimes that comes at the expense of what that life is like. I wonder what my grandmother's experience is like right now. Is it meditative? She's not reading anymore. She's falling asleep more. She's just sitting. It sounds like it could be peaceful. I wonder if she's thinking about all the things she 'has to do' that she doesn't really.

The thing she said about her funeral, it sounds healthy to me in a way. She has the spirit of a comedian. Talking about the things that scare her, or scare us, or scare others. And it scares her friends, and maybe scares my mom, it seems. It's interesting, to see through the various prisms. To imagine that there are no problems, that everything is perfect. Or. However you would help me understand things.

My grandmother is having her experience. My mother is having hers. I love them both, and I want to be here for them, and help them. Talking with my mom seemed helpful to her. My grandmother doesn't seem to be that much in need, now, from me. She seems accepting. It is what's happening."

and that made me feel all that.
that’s all for today.
love and thanks to you and yours and all, all!

PS here is a beautiful piece of art that my wonderful friend ramin nazer made to celebrate iris! love love, all.