TGI I-day! (Happy birthday to my Grandma Iris!)

things she said that were wise and funny and things i said doing my best to keep up!

dear friends, family, fans, folks, friends, and friends,

i’m grateful you’re here.
thank you for being here and being you.
and now, to celebrate my grandma iris’s birthday, here are some things she said!

A) "if money can fix it, just do it"

sometimes when my grandmother and i would talk on the phone, she would say “are you making a lot of money?” and i would say “i’m making enough money” and she would say “it’s never enough” and i would express my gratitude that i had enough for now AND commend her critique of capitalism.

when i became an adult, my grandmother put my name on her credit card to help me establish credit. i wasn’t supposed to use the card in general, just for emergencies and whenever she said i could, which included one tank of gas a month (a generosity which became generouser and generouser as gas prices eventually skyrocketed) and an annual birthday dinner (which stayed at about the same level of generosity, thanks to vegetables not following the same trends as oil).

she grew up during the depression, so i know her relationship with money was different than mine. i am supremely grateful that i was raised in a home and a family with enough. enough food, enough clothing, enough shelter, enough love. my point is, to celebrate my grandmother on her birthday, i am here to say that when she said “it’s never enough,” she was WRONG.

B) “Why does everyone have to mind everyone's business. Do what you want with your bodies, call yourself what you want, and try to be happy!"

my grandma was a very modern lady for someone born in 1928. she was active on facebook into her 90s. her engagement on that platform was threefold. she wished her friends happy birthday. she played online scrabble. and she commented on my posts.

sometimes i would post thoughts and jokes about gay rights and trans rights (celebrating them, to be clear), and sometimes with the way the algorithm works, those posts would get responses from people who were against them. and i was always thrilled to see my grandmother’s responses to those responses, defying the stereotypes that older folks are necessarily less progressive than younger ones.

my grandma iris just wanted people to mind their own business and try to be happy. she was a lady who was aggressively pacifistic. in fact, she had a sign up right when you entered her home that said “be nice or get out.” hilarious and on brand. i’m glad that even though she got out of this life, her niceness is still in here.

C) "Enough of all this intelligent stuff. Get FUNNY!"

this is one of my favorite things she ever said. i mean, they’re all my favorite, and this is the one i’m talking about now. she was an incredible audience for my comedy, watched every late night appearance, came to live shows when she could, and told everyone else that they should be doing that, too.

and ALSO, sometimes i would post thoughts online that weren’t intended to be funny andas you can see, she wasn’t having it! she was basically like, “if you’re a comedian, be a comedian,” and i was like “but i’m also a human,” and she’d be like “save it for your journal! social media is for jokes!” and then i’d share the things she said sincerely and people would laugh at them more than they would laugh at my jokes. i mean, i would laugh at them more than i laugh at my own jokes (to be fair, my own jokes aren’t always as surprising to me as they are to others… sometimes i can see where they’re going because i’m the one that’s taking them there… sometimes)!

she was a nurse professionally and a comedian BETTER-than-professionally, supplying laughter, the best medicine, along with real medicine. all the medicine. gem like “enough of all this intelligent stuff. get funny” which i think is the pinnacle of intelligent stuff AND funny.

i love her. i miss her. i’m glad she’s still here in these stories and memories and jokes and fun and all. thank you for receiving!

and now, some questions for YOU:

1) how are you doing? how is your heart? what’s new and good?
2) what did your grandparents do for a living? what did they do for fun?
3) what do YOU do for fun?
4) anything else you want to share?
5) how are you doing NOW?

finally, here are some places i’ll be performing in the coming days/years/eons!

— NYC, various places between now and December 17*
— LA, various places between December 20-22*
— Sacramento, CA on December 23
— Mill Valley, CA on December 26
— Santa Rosa, CA on December 29
— Scotts Valley, CA on December 30
— San Rafael, CA on December 31
— Queens, NY on January 6 (a rare hour set in NYC!, just added)
— Minneapolis, MN on January 10-13
— Des Moines, IA on January 20
— Ogden, UT on January 26-27
— Boise, ID on January 28
— Milwaukee, WI on March 15-16
— Lafayette, LA on April 18

* want more specific info for any of those? comment or message and i’ll let you know!

FINALLY finally, here’s my grandma iris and me. i forget which one is me.
love and thanks to you and yours and all, all!