the inside scoop

extra! extra! read all about the things that are inside this message! jokes! thoughts! more!

dear friends,

i’m glad you’re in here.
thank you for being in here and out there.
and now, for a few jokes that might seem a bit inside out.

A) house it going, folks?:

every joke is an inside joke
if you don't leave the house.

i had that thought in march of 2020 when nearly every joke was an inside joke.
i did eventually start doing some outdoor shows that summer.
sometimes, in addition to laughter, jokes would receive literal cricket noises.

often there would be no microphone, and i would enjoy testing the limits of how far i could walk away from the crowd and still arguably be “on stage.”
when it seemed like i was almost just “a guy yelling in the park,” i would return.

once, i told my mom that i was going to be doing a show in the park again and she asked me if it was the same show i had done the previous week in the park, and i believe i told her, “no, this one is at a DIFFERENT tree.”

B) i’ll bite!:

sometimes i'll bite the inside of my lip a bit and it'll swell up.
then later i poke at it or bite it again, to see how it's doing.
is it still swelled up? any less?
in checking, i probably exacerbate it more.
and that's what looking at social media feels like sometimes.
(inside my lip, i hope i don’t go viral.)

let me add this: thanks for being here on substack!
(substack is a platform that is COMPLETELY DIFFERENT from social media.)
thank you for being social in this medium.

also, social media is/are of course a tool like any tool.
a hammer is a tool that can be used to build a house or to cause pain.
they say that when you only have a hammer, everything looks like a nail. for me, i would say that if i only had a hammer, everything looks like a thumb.

i hope you give these jokes two giant (but non-swollen) thumbs up!

C) skin deep thoughts:

what people look like on the outside is not important.
what’s important is that on the inside, we all look gross.

on one level, i think that’s true.
on another level, i think that on the inside we all look COOL. and the SAME.
i am grateful that we do have our outsides to keep our insides on the inside.
no one is an outsider to having an inside.
we’re all insiders!

and those are all the silly jokes and thoughts for today!
now, a few questions for YOU:

1) how are you? what is new and good?
2) do YOU have any silly jokes and/or thoughts for today?
3) what’s your favorite bodily organ? spleen? pancreas? i like the heart and brain!
4) have any fun inside jokes you can share with context to bring us all inside?
5) how are you NOW?

finally, here are some upcoming tour dates!

April 1 with the Ivy League of Comedy in Randolph, VT!
April 2-6 in Albany, VT, NH, and ME opening for my buddy Shane Mauss!
April 7-8 headlining Off Cabot in Beverly, MA!
April 10-11 in RI and CT opening for my buddy Shane Mauss!
April 15 in NJ headlining the Sacred Comedy Show! ($10 off code for $10: MYQ)
April 16 and 19-20 in Philly and NJ opening for my buddy Shane Mauss!
May 19-20 headlining Hip to Be Square in Knoxville, TN!
June 17, ImPerfect at Dynasty Typewriter in Los Angeles!

and FINALLY finally, please enjoy this photo of me in a motorcycle helmet from a more than a decade ago that i just found again recently!