the TEXAS HOLD-ME tour! plus other shows in places like BOSTON and a reminder about MY NEW SPECIAL FILMING in NYC on August 22

plus i love you!

dear friends, family, fans, fellow folks,

i’m grateful that you’re here.
thank you for being here and for being you.
and now, some jokes and thoughts about texas!

first, a sincere thought:
i hope that everyone who experienced the storm there (and elsewhere) recently (and ever) is as safe and well as possible (forever).
much love to all.

A) is for A star!:

texas is the lone star state.
sorry they didn't get a better yelp rating.

i’m flying to texas this week for some shows (see below).
it’s called the lone star state but once i’m there, that lone star won’t be so alone!
that star and i can have a starring contest.
or maybe we can be co-stars.

and if you’re there, you’re a star in my book as well.
also if you’re somewhere else, you’re a star in my book.
my book is big enough to contain all the stars. texas big!
all right, i think we’re off to a good star’!

B) is for BEE a star!:

"oh, beehive!"
-- austin powers, to a bunch of insects that are stinging him

i’m sharing this joke here now
because in addition to being the first name of mr. powers,
austin is also a city in texas, where i’m flying in to perform this week!
(see below, even further)

also, i hope that none of you are stung by bees unless you want to be.
and then who am i to keep you from your dream?
or who am i to keep BEES from THEIR dreams?

though i do think they mostly sting in self-defense, not because they love it. which means that we and bees are on the same team. the no-bee-stings team!
you might even say we are co-stars. i certainly might.
because of that whole star thing i started up above.

also, here’s a fun thing you can say to a bee to encourage it not to sting you AND to describe its exit from the area, especially if you’re a Journey fan:

“don’t! stop! bee, leaving!”

or you can just be quiet until it leaves.

C) is for the Cowboy jumped over the moon and landed among the stars!:

when an old show returns, it's called a reboot.
so the original show must be a boot.
a boot that eventually got the boot.
but then they rebooted the boot and now it’s a reboot! for example…
they recently brought back “dallas” which means it’s a cowboy reboot.

can you guess why i’m sharing THIS thought here? i bet you can.

just in case, did you know that “dallas,” in addition to being a tv show set in the city of dallas which is in texas, is ALSO a city in texas? it’s true!

did you guess? great work! you’re a star again and still and always were!

(oh also did i mention i’m flying there this week to perform?
see below. even belower. almost there!)

and those are all the silly funs from me for today! now, how about from YOU?

questions:

1) how are you doing? how have you been? what is new and good with you?
2) do you have any thoughts on austin, dallas, or any other cities in texas?
3) how do you feel about austin powers? do you have a fave mike myers movie?
4) what’s your favorite tv reboot? or boot? or book? or anything?
5) how are you doing NOW?

and now, AS PROMISED, my shows this week in texas AND MORE!

— Austin, TX on July 11
— Dallas, TX on July 12-13
— Houston, TX on July 14

— Cambridge, MA on August 7 (The Comedy Studio reopens!)
— Mahomet, IL on August 17
— Cleveland, OH on August 18

— NYC ON AUGUST 22!
TWO SHOWS! 6:30pm and 8:30pm
MY NEW SPECIAL TAPING!

— Columbus, OH on September 11
— Cincinnati, OH on September 12
— Naples, FL on September 19

and that’s about it!

i hope you can attend somewhere between one and all of these events!
i also hope you are enjoying my comedy on social media if that’s your jam!
for example, here’s a short video i have shared to instagram. i also do all the other ones because we’re in the future now. follow wherever you like for more!
share with friends if you wish! do whatever you want to do! also, you’re already HERE and that’s doing a lot. thank you! AND you read all the way down to this part of the page? YOU ARE A HERO! A STAR! INFINITE STARS! THANK YOU! I THANK MY LUCKY STARS FOR YOU, MY FELLOW LUCKY STARS!

finally, here is a poster my wonderful artist friend mckinley cox made to help promote the texas shows! thanks to mindy tucker for the photo as well of course!