whether to toe the (mascu)line

a fan asked me a question and i answered it. thank you for reading!

dear friends,

i’m grateful that you’re here.
thank you for being who you are. how are you?
as you know, i often use this space to share some jokes or quick fun thoughts, and SOMETIMES i use it to share longer pieces of writing. today is like that!

here is an exchange i had with a fan that i share because it was enjoyable and meaningful to both of us, and i think others (like you) might feel that as well.
here we go!


THEIR QUESTION:

Hi Myq,

I have a (very broad) question. How do you think about manhood and masculinity?

For context, I've been identifying as transmasc & nonbinary, but I am considering the possibility that I might be a binary trans man. Part of what's holding me back is the negative ideas I've picked up about men because of, you know, the patriarchy. From what I've seen of your work, you seem like a really positive example of what being a man can look like.

Thanks for taking the time to read this


MY ANSWER:

Hello!

Thank you for this thoughtful message!
Your kind words are much appreciated.

This is a topic I think about a LOT.
In fact, I've been writing a lot of material on the subject of masculinity and my relationship to it lately, and so sometime in the future, I may have an hour of comedy on it. For now, I won't share ALL of what I've been thinking about it.

I will say this:

Part of MY experience with being a man is thinking about the relationality of it. Like, among stereotypical "men" (whatever that means! people who like... sports? cars? beer? aggression?), I don't always feel very much like a man at all, and I'm glad about that. I mean, I'm glad to do my best to avoid the toxicity that CAN accompany masculinity. (And that we see a lot, because when it's there, IT'S LOUD.)

And when I'm in the company of women, let's say, I know that I am not a woman. I am a man. I accept the broad categorization. I was assigned male at birth, and it fits generally enough. And I know that I don't have to associate with whatever OTHER people think it means to be a man, in order for me to be the kind of man that I am, the specific man that I am.

So for YOU, of course YOU are the ultimate decider of your identity, how you live, how you define yourself. I offer to you that you absolutely COULD identify as a man, and by doing that, you aren't necessarily signing on to all the negative patriarchal nonsense that SOMETIMES accompanies being a man.