8 jokes for Hanukkah (there was only supposed to be enough humor for one Hanukkah joke but miracle of miracles...)
putting the "ha" in "hanukkah" (one at the beginning and one backwards at the end)
dear friends,
i’m grateful that you are here.
thank you for being who you are, how you are, when you are, all of it.
and now, to celebrate the middle of Hanukkah, here are 8 HANUKKAH JOKES!
A) A is for A miracle:
the true Hanukkah miracle is
having exactly enough candles for the holiday
because you found some that you didn't use up last year 1
B) B is for Battery:
a phone lasting all day on 1% battery
is a modern-day reboot
of the Hanukkah story.
C) C is for Candles:
a remake of 16 Candles called 2 Hanukkahs. 2
D) D is for Dreidel:
"want to take her out for a spin?"
-- dreidel salesperson
E) E is for Eventually playing with a dreidel:
“hey are there any fun jewish holiday songs?”
“our biggest hit is about a dreidel”
“what’s that?”
“it’s a toy we play with”
“so the song is about playing with it?”
“no it’s actually about making it out of clay, and then thinking about playing with it later” 3
F) F is for Flying through these:
the true hanukkah miracle
is that there was only supposed to be one spelling
but turns out there are enough letters for eight different spellings!
happy hanukkah, hanukah, chanuka, chanukah, chanukkah, blitzen, vixen, & rudolph! 4
G) G is for Gelt:
"put your money where your mouth is"
-- the inventor of Hanukkah gelt 5
H) H is for Hard (comma, die) 6:
die hard is a Hanukkah movie.
and that’s all the Hanukkah fun to last you til NEXT Hanukkah!
ok actually ONE MORE BONUS HANUKKAH-ISH FUN 7:
because i’ll be headlining the Comedy Club of Kansas City on 1/13-1/14 (2023!), my wonderful artist friend McKinley Cox made the beautiful poster below out of a delightful Mindy Tucker photo of me, which is coincidentally pretty menorah-like with the flames going8! hope to see you in KC!
much love and thanks to you and yours and all!
this is known as a rollover miracle
i know that because of all the nights of Hanukkah, every Hanukkah requires more than 8 candles, he real world logic of this joke doesn’t work but the JOKE logic of it CAN, if you just believe in it hard enough… another Hanukkah miracle?
“and when it’s dry and ready, THEN dreidel i shall play…”
i prefer spelling it with only one “k” because TWO of them is awfully close to THREE of them
judaism: the creative power behind gelt AND guilt!
comma, die = comedy!
PS a dreidel is also similar to a hard die
the menorah DOES have 9 candles on it!
there are three flames in this image, and earlier today WAS the third day of Hanukkah. i would have posted this then but Substack was doing maintenance, so happy belated third day* of Hanukkah everyone
* fourth day! or third day with a plus one!
I love when the footnotes have footnotes!
It's the n+1 day of Hanukah :)