briefcases, "bad" guys, and being the master of your own universe

jokes and truths. please enjoy! i love you.

dear friends, family, fans, fellow folks, favorites (you’re all my favorites),

i’m grateful you’re here.
thank you for being here!
and now for some silly funs.
(AND also some SINCERE funs.)

A) is for ABC which stands for A Brief Case:

“i’m going to make my case, and it’ll be brief”
— creator of the briefcase

i feel very fortunate that i’ve never had a job that requires a briefcase. though, whenever i see a lawyer with a briefcase on tv, it does look like it’s fun to straighten papers against the table before putting them in a briefcase, but i wonder if that amount of fun wouldn’t counterbalance the unfun parts of being a lawyer. maybe it depends on the kind of lawyer you are. or the kind of person you are. or the exact individual that you are. the exact individual that i am thinks it also could be fun to put underwear in a briefcase, or maybe to have three different cases and call one of them my BRIEFcase, another my BOXERcase, and the third my BOXER-BRIEFcase. (also, imagine if boxers wore briefs? if you want to. or just imagine whatever you like. you are free!)

B) is for “Bad” guys:

sometimes spider-man will stop a criminal, tie them up with webs, and leave them outside the police station with basically a post-it note saying “this guy did a crime” and i have to say, i don’t know how well that would hold up in court

as you may have gleaned from my writing above, i’m not a lawyer in the legal sense, but i HAVE used a legal pad in my line of work, so i’ll allow it. (allow what? myself to continue being silly. all right, but let’s get to more silliness quick, or slow.)

when i first posted this joke thought online, my favorite response that someone commented was “It's fiction for children.” and my favorite response to that response was me saying “fiction for children AND adults!” which really put them in their place (their place being wherever they were to start with, and they never left!).

it’s fascinating to me now that when i was a child, i had such a clear idea of who the “good guys” and the "bad guys” were, and now it’s not even clear that using the term “guys” is good! i’ve heard it said that being able to handle uncertainty and ambiguity is a sign of emotional maturity but I DON’T WANNA. or maybe i’m not CERTAIN that i wanna. I AM GROWING MORE MATURE. maybe even more mature than spider-man? and i think that’s good. or at least a good guise.

C) is for Castle Grayskull’s legal team:

my girlfriend and i got power of attorney forms filled out and notarized and as we signed them we said BY THE POWER OF ATTORNEY, I HAVE THE POWER

what was i saying about being emotionally mature? maybe i exist in a liminal space space between emotional maturity and immaturity. a kind of schrodinger’s maturity. or maybe what i’m saying is, did you know that you’re allowed to have fun as adults? even when doing activities that seem objectively “unfun”? like when you’re straightening papers to put in your briefcase or planning for the end of life?

also, pretty weird that he-man’s main villain was a muscular skeleton. make up your mind, are you muscular or are you a skeleton? another ambiguity that my emotional maturity can handle! and what were we talking about, death? lalalalala. no death here, just muscular skeletons! I HAVE THE POWER… to change the subject. time to straighten out these files and put them away in our imaginary briefcase!

and that’s all the silly sincerity from me for now. how about YOU? questions!

1) how are you doing? how are you feeling? what is new and good?
2) have you ever legit used a briefcase? was it fun? how much fun?
3) did you love comic books as a kid? how about now? which ones?
4) do YOU have the power? what kind of power do you have?
5) how are you doing NOW?

also, here are some shows i’m doing soon! hope to see you at ALL of them!

— Bethlehem, PA on March 2
— Rosemont, IL on March 14
— Milwaukee, WI on March 15-16
— Fort Collins, CO on April 10
— Lafayette, LA on April 18
— New Orleans, LA on April 19
— Mobile, AL on April 20
— Panama City, FL on April 21
— Dallas, TX on July 12-13

plus more to come! forever!
or as forever as possible!
while i’m still a muscular skeleton!

thanks for being here!
much love to you and yours and all!
AND finally, here’s a silly thing that amazon emailed me. please enjoy!

it is my own album! they have recommended ME to ME! and they are correct in their guess. i might indeed enjoy me!