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I *never* type LOL because people never mean it and laughter is too precious to lie about. But--I wanted you to know “ 'i threw it in the garbage. i tried to give it away but none of my friends wanted it.' ” made me giggle audibly!

Who I love... who I miss...

Ack, this is a hard one, today's a reeling-from-a-bad-break-up day. My first thought was--it feels like I miss the person I thought my mentor was going to be. But maybe I miss--early on, there was this really, really good conversation between us. One of the most meaningful conversations I'd ever had. I miss where all I thought everything was going, the people we were going to be with each other.

I miss all the people I used to love uncomplicatedly, back when I thought there was such a thing as a good person, still. (Untainted by complicity with systemic abuse and torture of humans and more-than-humans, by complicity in the destruction of everything we love, everyeveryeveryOnes...) (I mean, we-they weren't not complicit, but I didn't get that yet.) I miss--

I Love and Miss the Motherplanet I was born into in '76... the thriving wilds we still (barely) had.

I miss me, being fun at parties.

(Taylor Moore, from the Reply All ep on Climate Rage: "Before quarantine I would bring this up at bars and parties, or whatever. People don’t like it. And now, you know, when every social interaction is so precious, I don’t dare talk about this stuff."

Alex G: "Yeah, I was just thinking, like, ‘I feel like I’m among my people.’ My wife really does not like to talk about this…"

Taylor: [laughing] "Mine either! No one does!")

And... I love podcasters! And how they've... sometimes sputtered out unsayable unknowings, those Jungian repressions that people I know for "realz" and trust(ed) deeply, won't let be spoken or felt in their presences. And sputtering suchlike not infrequently, at the same time masses and masses of others are saying that those unspeakables are shameful and wrong and immoral. (Like: Feeling Hopeless about Climate Change...)

(Maron: It’s all terrible. Every day is terrible.

There’s an impending sense of chaos and doom on a–on a lot of levels: cultural level, social level, environmental level, and a–a disease level.

People are just pissed off, feel powerlessness, and at the edge of it–you know–

There’s a Crackling.

There’s an Undoing.

[...]So how do we go on, thinking everything’s going to be okay, or at least–even, even honoring the patterns we, we’ve grown used to in our lives?")

(Marc's not the only podcasting person saying this, not the most knowledgeable nor committed nor even the most eloquent but--Holy Fuck. "There's a Crackling. There's an Undoing."?? It's like he spirit-conduited Bayo Akomolafe for a moment there!)

It helps a very weird amount--maybe I mean, it weirdly helps a very amount--feeling-with the disembodied voices of Unstrangers.

*****

And I love Bayo Akomolafe! And for a long reading-moment there, I loved your Iris and her hatred of the Hobbit. In her honor, I will not-read it, too. <3

Here's looking at you, Iris. <3

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This was crazy long. Don't worry--Unlikely to make it a habit!

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ps Reading your twitter thread about Iris made me want to be kind, or kind-er (than I might otherwise be) to my ex-mentor who just exed me. She's old and getting older...

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hi heidi! thank you for all of this! you are very thoughtful. i appreciate the audible giggle info! i'm glad you had the mentor that you had when you had them and i'm sorry that you miss those that you do! your mention of the concept of a "good person" reminds me of this rumi poem snippet that i love:

"Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing and rightdoing,

there is a field. I’ll meet you there."

perhaps you know it!

i also love "Unstrangers"! what a beautiful concept and word.

thank you for your kindness! i appreciate you.

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my hearts off to you! and on!

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