Josh Gondelman, Margaret Atwood, Positive Reinforcement, AND MORE!

Some writing about jokes, some jokes about laughing, some laughs about writing, this piece has got it all! Or at least those things!

Jul 13, 2025

Dear friends,

I’m grateful for you!
Thank you for being here!
Now it’s time for another edition of my project in which I examine jokes that I have loved and thought of frequently for a long time.

The project began with a piece about one Mitch Hedberg joke and has continued with many great jokes from comedy heroes and friends of mine.

Today’s joke comes from friend AND hero of mine, Josh Gondelman, who has a new special out for free right here, a great newsletter you can check out here, and a website where you can learn more things about him here!

Now for today’s joke (that you can listen to Josh tell in its natural habitat here on his album “Physical Whisper”):

"I came across a famous feminist quotation by author Margaret Atwood, which is probably how most of your favorite jokes start.

Margaret Atwood once wrote, 'Men are afraid women will laugh at them; women are afraid men will kill them.'

And that's heavy.

And I don't know how to feel about that, as a man... who also is afraid that men will kill him.

Worst case scenario, while a woman laughs, if I'm being totally honest."

— Josh Gondelman

Josh is the nicest.
AND the funniest.
Sometimes he's so nice that it's all people talk about, but I want to make sure and talk about how funny he is also.

But first, here's how nice he is. (Even I can’t help doing it!)
20+ years ago, we didn't really know each other well, but we had both recently started doing comedy in Boston. We were hanging out at a show and here’s an interaction we had:

JOSH: How are you?
ME: Fine, you?
JOSH: Great, thanks for asking!

He was so sincere and enthusiastic in response to me doing the bare minimum of socially interacting that I couldn't even imagine someone being so friendly, because I couldn't imagine myself being that friendly.

But I eventually understood that IT WAS REAL!

He would go on to call his first comedy album "Everything's the Best."
His newest special is called "Positive Reinforcement."
And in between those there was another one called "People Pleaser."

So, he's nice. Super nice. The nicest. That part is covered now.

Now for the part about how he’s funny.
This particular joke says so much and really speaks for itself.
(But don't worry, I'll speak for it some more also!)

Elegant setup.
Great Margaret Atwood quote.
Powerful point about gender and society.
Super relatable, personal conclusion.

Relatable because I am also much more afraid of being killed than laughed at.
Which COULD have something to do with my being a comedian (who WANTS people to laugh at him).
But it’s not just that.
There’s more!

Now, I know that a lot of people are afraid of being laughed at, and here's a beautiful quote I love about the connection between that fear and comedy:

“I’ll tell you something Harry Shearer said to me...
He said the reason why people are comedians is to have control over why people laugh at you.”
― Marc Maron in "Sick in the Head: Conversations About Life and Comedy" by Judd Apatow

"To have control over why people laugh at you."

Beautiful.

A lot of people are familiar with the dichotomy of "laughing at" vs "laughing with" and the truth is, if someone is laughing AT you but then YOU start laughing as well, now they are technically laughing WITH you. Because that's what "with" means. You have converted it from "at" to "with" by joining in!

And that's how to do comedy! One way, at least!
You don't have to create brand new elaborate ways to get people to laugh at you; you can just look at how people are laughing at you already and hop on board!

And when you do that, sometimes the people laughing at you will start to like you more than they did previously, now that they see you are also able to laugh at yourself, like they are doing. You have something in common!

Or maybe they'll get mad at you, because they want laughing at you to be THEIR thing that you're not a part of, in which case that's a bonus, because now the mean laughing people are mad!

It's win-win!

Nice people are happy, mean people are sad.

AND extra bonus, the good news is that any sad mean person COULD escape this personal hell at any moment, because it's one of their own creation, if they would just laugh at themselves the way you are laughing at YOURself. Because then they would be laughing WITH anyone who was laughing at them.

And super extra bonus, the more that people are comfortable laughing at themselves, laughing with others, the less likely they are to want to kill anyone, I imagine.

So, Josh was right with his first album title, turns out… Everything's the Best!

And that’s Positive Reinforcement!

And now, because I also enjoy sharing jokes that I have written, here are some jokes that I have written!

A) is for A haiku about laughter:

I just learned (made up)
that Laffy Taffy is short
for Laughter Taughter.

B) is for Bond:

A fun way to say "LOL" could be to imagine you’re saying it the same way James Bond says "Bond… James Bond":

“L... OL.

C) is for Crying:

There used to be a job called the town crier.
Why wasn’t there ever one called the town laugher?
Waaaaaaaaaaaah. ← (me crying about it)

And that’s about it from me! But what about from YOU?
Here are some questions that you can answer here in the comments or responding with an email or just thinking about them late at night before falling asleep so maybe you dream them into existence and communicate them to me telepathically or whatever works for you!

1) How are you doing? What is new and good? How is your heart?
2) Have you ever converted being laughed at to being laughed with?
3) Are there any times you’ve made people laugh that you’d like to share?
4) Any other thoughts on laughter or anything else?
5) How are you doing NOW?

Arty Har-Hars

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