Mitch Hedberg Playing Little League, A Course In Miracles, and How To Guarantee That Your Wishes Come True!

A joke, an analysis, more jokes, some other thoughts, AND MORE!

Jun 21, 2025

Dear friends,

I am grateful that you are here!
Thank you for making the choice to be here.
And now for another edition of my project wherein I share jokes that I love, on the surface AND beyond the surface! Beneath, below, beyond, and more!

The project began with a piece about one Mitch Hedberg joke, where I assessed Hedberg thusly:

”His jokes are songs, infinitely relistenable. Whereas so much comedy requires surprise to have its desired effect, Hedberg's has somehow transcended that.”

I now revisit another classic joke of his that delights me. I hope you enjoy!

"I wish I could play Little League now, I'd kick some f’ing ass.
I'd be way better than before"
— Mitch Hedberg

What is this about?

Is it about a man who wants to defeat children in an unfair competition?

Like the movie “Air Bud” but instead of a dog playing basketball, someone says, “There’s nothing in the rule book that says a grown man can’t play Little League baseball”?

Except then someone else comes out and says, “Actually there IS something in the rule book that says that, because Little League is only for children and that’s actually where the name comes from.”

Is this joke about that?
Sure!

But is it also about desire and gratitude, about wishing and getting?
Is it about my relationship?
Maybe, let’s see!

When I was 13 years old, I had never been on a date, never kissed anyone, never come anywhere close to a situation like that.

And I remember thinking "how will I ever get married?!?"
Because I wanted to be married some day.
It seemed tragic at the time and now it seems adorable.

Then when I was 25, I got married. Wish granted!
Look at that, 13-year-old me!
You had no idea.

Then when I was 28, I got divorced. New wish granted!
Look at that, 25-year-old me!
You had no idea.

Then when I was 37, I got into the best relationship of my life.
Next week, on June 27, it will be our 9-year anniversary.
It’s better than my idea of marriage was at 13 or 25.
Wish granted and continually granting.

Look at that 37-year-old me!
You had SOME idea.
One idea.
One great idea that grew into an infinity of ideas that keep growing.

Rini (my perfect partner) shared this quote with me once:

“Infinite patience produces immediate results.”
— A Course In Miracles

I had no idea.

Another thing Younger Me had no idea about is prayer.
When I was a kid, I didn't know anything about prayer.
Prayer just seemed like wishing, and God was the genie.

And the thing about genies (which I have learned from genie jokes) is that sometimes you wish for something and the genie grants your wish in a TECHNICAL way but there’s some catch that you didn't want, maybe because genies are upset about being trapped in those bottles and forced to obey our whims so they get their fun by being passive aggressive.

Like, if you’re 13 and you wish to be married, the Time-Genie is like “hahaha I got you” a decade and a half later.

And that’s the thing about wishing or praying for things in the FUTURE.
Who knows what the future is? Who will we be? What will we want then?
We have no idea.

NOW I know that that's not what prayer needs to be all about.
Praying doesn’t need to be wishing for the future.
Praying can be about gratitude.

A good friend of mine had a psychedelic experience once and came back with this insight: "Thank you over please."

”Please” is about the future.
Please, Genie-God, can this thing happen?

”Thank you” is about the past. And the present.
Thank you, Genie-God, for all the things that I love in my life.

”Thank you” is more powerful.
Past + Present > Future

You definitely get what you want if you wish for what you already have.
And sometimes we can be our own genie.
For example…

I once wished to have this laptop and then I went and bought this laptop.
Wish granted!

I once wished to have some water and then I filled up my water bottle.
Wish granted!

I once wished to get married when I was 13.
Wish granted! (TECHNICALLY.)

“Infinite patience produces immediate results.”

But then Universe-Genie eventually asked “are you sure that’s what you want?”
Wish granted in letter, but what about in spirit?

Maybe child Mitch Hedberg wished to be great at Little League.
And the genie of time and growth eventually granted that wish.

What did Adult Mitch wish for?
To defeat kids at baseball?
To be the king of Little League?

“Infinite patience produces immediate results.”

If you wait long enough, you can be great at Little League.

Of course, by the time you end up in a place where you would be great at Little League, maybe you won't want to or need that anymore.
Thanks, Time-Genie.

I have wanted so many things.
And I have gotten so many things.
And those things haven't always matched up.

I've gotten things that I haven't wanted.
I've wanted things that I haven't gotten.
But there's a sweet spot, a Venn diagram overlap of things that I've wanted and things that I've gotten, and I’m super grateful for all those things.

Perhaps Adult Mitch wished to become a Big League comedian.
He became his own genie and worked with Universe-Genie, Time-Genie, God-Genie, all the genies, to grant that wish.

And those same genies teamed up with Me-Genie and Rini-Genie to grant me here this beautiful better-than-marriage relationship we’ve been in for 9 years and counting, something I didn’t even know to wish for.

And it all kicks some f'ing ass.

And now, because I enjoy sharing jokes that I have written, here are some jokes I have written that I share with you!

A) is for A plan:

Man plans, God laughs.
Yes, because I am the man who has planned a comedy set and God laughs because it is a funny set.

B) is for Ball:

"There’s nothing in the rulebook that says a robot can't plagiarize a movie script about a dog playing basketball"
— AI Bud

C) is for Comedy:

Comedy is harder than baseball.
In baseball, if you get a hit one out of three times at bat, you’re great!
In comedy, if you only get a laugh one out of three times you joke, it’s not as great!

And that’s about it from me. But what about from YOU?
Here are some questions that you can answer by replying to this as an email or commenting below or just thinking about real hard or telling me when you see me or whatever you like or nothing at all!

1) How are you doing? What is new and good? How is your heart?
2) Were you good at baseball as a child? Would you be better now?
3) What is something that you wished for that eventually came true?
4) Is there anything you’re grateful for that you’d like to share?
5) How are you doing NOW?

Arty Har-Hars

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