no dearth of earth mirth
and also some non-earth mirth. definitely no dearth of mirth or worth. not much on colin firth. okay, enough of the conception, let's get to the birth!
dear earth folks, and maybe non-earth folks,1
how are you today?
how are you this year?
how are you this lifetime?
how are you this [_]?2
today i offer some thoughts on time and space:3
1) about mercury:
is mercury ever NOT in retrograde?4
2) about venus:5
venus + serena = tennis-y williams6
3) about mars:7
is mars the only planet that has its own specific bruno?
4) about jupiter:
on a planet like jupiter, “many moons ago” could refer to yesterday.8
5) more about venus because i don’t know if i have anything about saturn, uranus, or neptune:
it's easier to become an overnight success on venus,
because the planet rotates more slowly.
(only downside: poison atmosphere.)
and
a reboot of the show "24" but it takes place on venus and is called "5,832."
6) i do have one about pluto!:
i don't know if pluto is a planet or not.
#NinthWorldProblems
7) a question:
if you believe the earth is flat, what do you think about the sun, the moon, and other planets?
(a sincere question that i'd love to find out the answer to without asking anyone.)9
8) somewhat relatedly, i came up with a new day-naming system:
one-day
twos-day
threednes-day
fours-day
five-day
sixer-day
seven-day
the old system is fine, too, but if you don't want norse gods running most of your days, i offer this..
9) and finally, a revelation:10
the days have names and the months have names
but
THE WEEKS DO NOT HAVE NAMES.
I AM BLOWING THIS WIDE OPEN AND ALSO OUT OF PROPORTION!
AND NOW
that is all for this unit of time and space.
thank you for receiving those space/time fun units!
thank you for being here, and much love to all!
we now return you to your regularly (or irregularly) scheduled Now.
any astronauts in space reading this? aliens? other beings? different dimensions? holla!
or any other increment. what’s your favorite increment of time to be asked “how are you” for? how are you this Now?
i offer them today, but they may be received on any future today as well.
“retrograde” sounds like being held back a year in school.
kind of!
this is one of my proudest joke creations!
another question: are saloons on the red planet called “mars bars”?
because jupiter is a planet that has many moons. do you know which is the one that sounds the most like a “hey-o” sound you could say after a joke like this? “io!”
i’m also fine not knowing!
for me at least, and perhaps for you, if you wish!
Your grandmother once denied Uranus being a planet—I hesitated to write this
In a perfect world, the Williams family would be from Tennessee. Alas, that which we desire is namely straight outta Compton. My only hope is that they drove a streetcar cross country when they moved to Florida.
Confession: I have 4 tabs of Wikipedia open as a result of research whilst workshopping this comment. I don't see it as completely finished either, feel free to one-two punch it up!