on turtles & completism & who knows what else

the answer to "who knows what else" is YOU, upon reading!

dear you, yourself, and y’all,¹

thank you so much for being here.
here are some funs for the day. cheers!

1) how old are the teenage mutant ninja turtles now?²:

a pandemic reboot of TMNT
where shredder is the hero
because he is wearing his mask properly
and the turtles are not.³

2) a primetime crime rhyme:

“don’t do the crime if you can’t do the time”
“oh yeah? well don’t create a system of laws if you can’t take responsibility for its inevitable flaws”⁴

3) from an interview i did about a year⁵ ago:

THEM: you've been doing standup for 18 years. is it everything you expected?
ME: well, i didn't expect to stop doing standup for most of 2020 because of a pandemic but other than that, also no.

4) and finally, to complete this:

i'm done being a completist.⁶

and those are the funs for the day!
now for some upcoming fun information units:

1) the three-week tour i’m on right now is two-thirds through!
tonight is the first of 6 shows at acme in MSP!
2) sunday is the first of 1 show in chicago!
3) august 13-14 are 2 shows in pittsburgh!
4) august 26 is 1 show in hartford!
5) that’s it for now!
in conclusion, check out this nice photo that mindy tucker took!⁷

love and thanks to y’all, y’all’s-selves, and YOU.
please enjoy⁸ being who you are and doing what you do.

1. i always thought it unfair that the second-person equivalent of “me, myself, and i” would seem to have to be “you, yourself, and you,” with that “you” repeated. so i’m doing what i can here. why is it i/me, we/us, they/them, but you/you? even “who” gets “whom.” maybe one day we will see a “youm” on the scene. for now, here is where we are.

2. answer: they were first teenagers in 1984, so they must be at least FIFTY right now. (if they were 13 then, they were born in 1971, and now it’s 2021!)

3. here’s hoping we don’t have too much of a pandemic reboot!

4. maybe it could be a little tighter? perhaps doesn’t roll off the tongue as much as it could.

5. one pandemic year ago. so, one billion infinities, by some counts. like dog years!

6. or am i? (maybe!)

7. who took ‘er? mindy tucker!

8. as much as possible! and desired!