secrets and truths
now that's what i call the SAT. (Secrets And Truths.) what did you score on yours? well, i got an 800 on Truths, and on Secrets? i'm not telling.
dear friends,
thank you for being here and receiving this.
here are some quick secrets for today.1
(first secret: today i’m calling jokes “secrets.” shh.)
1) just call me Meek Kaplan2:
ok so the meek will inherit the earth…
does it say WHEN anywhere?
2) speak of the fruit and it shall a-pear3:
just learned that in france
what we call "dad bod"
they call being
"père-shaped"
3) freshness alert4:
i call the expiration dates on food "spoiler alerts."
e.g. this mayo has a twist ending you might not enjoy.5
and those are the secret jokes of the day!
and now, for the secret information on where you can see me coming up:
1) this weekend at a friend’s wedding! (so no live pod stream Saturday.)6
2) mon, june 7, 11pm ET: Hot Tub (i do a set on a live stream comedy show!)
3) thurs, june 24, 8:30pm ET: headlining the Nowhere Comedy Club!7 (streaming!)
4) sat, july 3, 7:30pm at union hall: doing my hour live for the first time in a while!
5) wed, july 14, 8pm headlining at Morgantown Brewing Co in W Virginia (live)
6) fri, july 16 headlining at the Gaslight Theater in St. Louis, MO
7) july 22-24, headlining The Comedy Club of Kansas City
8) july 28-31, headlining Acme in Minneapolis
9 - ꝏ) more coming soon!8
are you in those places? hope you can make it! know anyone in those places? hope you can let them know! these shows will be fun.
thank you for reading. thank you for being here. thank you for sharing whatever you’d like to share. how are you doing? how is your heart? i hope the best for you and yours. take care of yourself and others, and as always… you. are. nice!9
everything is a secret from the people that don’t know. and now you know. and you’re welcome to share this/these with anyone you choose. get everyone in on the secret!
this is a pronunciation of “Myq” that i have received at times, and i don’t mind it! or, shall i say, i don’t mEEnd it!
where will it appear? up here.
i wrote this joke a long time ago, but i think it’s still good!
is the twist that the end of “mayo” is “-nnaise”? tune in next time to find out!
okay so this one’s where you CAN’T see me, but all the others are where you CAN.
just booked this! haven’t been back to the Nowhere Comedy Club this year yet, and excited to return! glad that you can attend Nowhere from anywhere!
i don’t know if we’ll make it ALL the way to ꝏ, but we’ll get as close as we can.
see? you’re reading all the footnotes. look how nice you are.