The Hilarious Comedian Laurie Kilmartin, My Buddhist Friend Gus, and What We All Deserve

aspirational ways to live PLUS silly jokes about vehicles

Dear friends,

Thank you for being here.
I’m grateful that you’ve chosen to take the time!
Now, here is the latest entry in my new project wherein I examine a joke that has stuck with me in my mind and heart longer than many other jokes have, for reasons that often go deeper than the joke’s surface might initially convey. I hope you enjoy!

Laurie Kilmartin is a fantastic comedian. I've known and loved her work for decades and recommend that you know and love it as well. This is something that she tweeted once, years ago, that I think about FREQUENTLY:

”I hope you all get what you deserve."

I think about it because it works for me as a hilarious joke and also as a true statement that is something akin to a Rorschach test, a zen koan, and more!

It's beautiful in its simplicity while simultaneously evoking complexity.
It just keeps going and going, offering more the more I think about it.

First, I imagine it being said to a loved one.
Or even MERELY a liked one.
Or any kind person who deserves kindness in return.
I hope they get it.

"I hope you all get what you deserve."

Then, I imagine it being said to someone farther down on my list of top beloved and beliked ones. Maybe someone who just cut me off in traffic.
For example, sometimes I see THEM get cut off in traffic and I feel like they've gotten their come-uppance.

"I hope you all get what you deserve."

Same words, different vibe.

I don't know if that's me at my best though, taking joy in people experiencing similar ills to the ones that I've experienced. Is this the way the Buddha or Jesus or any of history's great, wise, compassionate sages would have felt in this situation?

(To be fair, THEY didn't have to deal with today's traffic conditions, so who KNOWS if they would have experienced road rage or been a road SAGE!).

Sincerely, in times like these, I actually aspire to be like my friend Gus, who is a practicing Buddhist.

Gus told me a story once about a time that he learned from a friend that a politician had died, and said "oh that's too bad."

And then the friend said something like "no, actually this politician was hateful, racist, sexist, transphobic, homophobic, xenophobic, all the -ists and -phobics we'd rather didn't exist at all, so I wouldn't say it's too bad."

“I hope you all get what you deserve."

And then Gus said something like "oh, then that's too bad that they didn't live long enough to see the error of their ways, to publicly and privately express their sincere regret for the harm that their views and actions caused, to atone and make meaningful amends however possible, and to vow to do better moving forward, with their future actions powered by the fuel of love and compassion that they now see is the most optimal way to live."

What a sick BURN.
(Or a healthy burning of the fuel of love and compassion.)

“I hope you all get what you deserve."

I truly aspire to thinking like that. Because I do believe that love and compassion is what we all deserve to receive, to feel, and to offer. Because we all began our lives as babies who deserve love and compassion. And whatever happened between when that politician was a baby and when they became someone who expressed such hateful and harmful views, that baby didn't deserve it.

“I hope you all get what you deserve."

We all deserve love and care and kindness and joy and understanding, and if/when we have caused harm to others or ourselves (and surely most of us have at some point), we deserve to have the opportunity to right those wrongs if possible, to assuage those harms, to learn to do better, and to live more lovingly.

What a sick LEARN!
(Maybe “sick LEARN” doesn’t have the same ring to it as “sick BURN” but I’m working on it!)

"I hope you all get what you deserve."

This is how I aspire to live. I'm doing my best. For now, it does still bring me at least a LITTLE bit of joy when someone who just cut me off in traffic gets cut off themselves. (I don’t know if I’m a full-on Road Sage yet.)

Regardless, this is all to say, in the words of modern sage and hilarious comedian Laurie Kilmartin's tweet from years ago, “I hope you all get what you deserve."

Laurie’s latest special is called Cis Woke Grief Slut and I super recommend it. She is hilarious and you deserve to laugh at her wonderful jokes!

Also, here are a few jokes of MINE that I think you deserve to enjoy, if you wish!

A) is for Automobiles:

when we speak of someone weaving in and out of traffic, i think that gives weavers a bad name.

B) is for Boats:

some boats are called “life boats.”
which is why i stay away from most other boats, because by implication they are DEATH BOATS!

C) is for Construction vehicles:

when the movie “planes, trains, and automobiles” came out, i bet cranes were like “hey, we could have rhymed with planes and trains WAY better!”

and now, for some questions for YOU:

1) how are you doing? how have you been? what is new and good with you?
2) who’s someone that you believe deserves all the kindness in the world?
3) are you more on the road rage or road sage side of the spectrum?
4) what helps you be calmer and kinder towards yourself and others?
5) how are you doing NOW?

and now, for some upcoming standup shows i have scheduled:

— Lincoln Lodge in Chicago (TONIGHT, sold out, standby tix may be available)
— A zoom show anyone can see from anywhere (Friday, January 31, 9pm ET)
— Chabad in Goshen, NY (Saturday, February 1)
— Psychedelic Assembly in NY, NY (Thursday, February 13)
— The Kallet Theater in Pulaski, NY (Friday, February 21)
— The Comedy Arena in McKinney, TX (Fri-Sat, July 18-19)
— Rose City Comedy in Tyler, TX (Fri-Sat, July 25-26)
— more dates to come at punchup.live/myqkaplan and myqkaplan.com/tour

and that’s all for today!
thank you for being here and receiving!
much DESERVED love to you and yours and all!