I am FOR Mitch Hedberg picketing and I DO know how to show it!

A fun joke meditation! Wisdom from George Bernard Shaw! And more!

Dear friends,

Thank you for being here.
I’m grateful that you have chosen to be here.
And now, here is the latest entry in my project wherein I examine a joke I love that often ends up being more profound than its surface appearance would have initially suggested.

The project began with a piece about one Mitch Hedberg joke, where I assessed Hedberg thusly:

”His jokes are songs, infinitely relistenable. Whereas so much comedy requires surprise to have its desired effect, Hedberg's has somehow transcended that.”

I now revisit another of his classics. I hope you enjoy!

"I'm against picketing, but I don't know how to show it."
— Mitch Hedberg

It's like a zen koan, as so many of his jokes are.

It has a greater intelligence to it than some others might bring to the concept.

I can imagine people who ACTUALLY hate picketing saying something like "Picketing? Boo! I hate it! Boo, picketing!" thus essentially becoming the spirit of the very thing they hate.

(Like when I get annoyed at people honking their car horns too much and start honking out of my face saying things like “STOP! NO MORE HONKING!” basically becoming a human car horn.)

I remember being a child and whispering in school during an assembly, and a teacher saying SHUSHHHHHHHHHHHH so loudly that I remember feeling as an eight-year-old that I understood peace and quiet more than this adult did.

Like, the rule is you have to be quiet, and this teacher would enforce that rule AT ALL COSTS, NO MATTER HOW MUCH WE HAVE TO BREAK IT TO DO IT.

You know what they say: “rules were made to be broken… by the people who are in charge of the rules but not the powerless people they have power over.”

But none of that describes Mitch Hedberg.

He's against picketing, but he's not going to picket against picketing, because he knows that in so doing, he would become the very thing that he is jokingly against.

So what does he do?
Bemoans it.
Sometimes that's all that we CAN do.
The equivalent of saying "CAN complain."

You know how sometimes people say "Can't complain!"
Oh? Then why are you even bringing complaining into it?
"Can't complain" sounds like a complaint!

And sometimes there ARE complaints.
So it’s good that we CAN complain.
Imagine if you actually couldn't complain.
Imagine if you were legally prohibited from complaining.
I hear this happens sometimes in some places.
And if you were not ALLOWED to complain, what greater reason for complaint could there be?

What's new?
I CAN'T COMPLAIN!
I AM NOT PERMITTED TO COMPLAIN!
(And I don't know how to show it.)

I'm grateful that I CAN complain.
It means that I have less to complain about.
You've heard "can't stop, won't stop"?
My version here is "can complain, won't complain."
I mean, I'll complain if it comes to it.
It's just that it comes to it less frequently when I know that I can.

I'm not against picketing, and I don't think Hedberg was either.
That's not the point of this joke, for the words to be literally true.
Imagine if it were?
That might lead me to go out picketing!
Holding a sign that says "Mitch Hedberg SAYS he's against picketing but I DON'T THINK HE REALLY IS!"

And what would that accomplish? Fun?

I’m also reminded of this expression, and I wish I knew the source:

"When you turn the tables on someone, you're still at the table."

It has a similar vibe to this quote (and I DO know the source!):

“Never wrestle with pigs. You both get dirty [but] the pig likes it.”
-- George Bernard Shaw.

That seems relevant as well.

If you think someone is doing the wrong thing, is it possible that doing the same wrong thing to them could be the wrong thing to do?

Like, I think that killing is wrong.
So, the death penalty doesn't make sense to me.
"Don't kill or we'll kill you."

The same way that if someone is LOUD, I don't think it makes sense to SHOUT at them to get them to be quiet.

Now, I can understand if a child is running into the street and because that's dangerous, you might have to run in after them to save them.
A small amount of the same danger, a small amount of the same wrong, that could be necessary to prevent a larger one.
And that's the spirit of what I think a lot of people are striving to do.
Like how vaccines used to be made of a little bit of the thing they prevent (SORRY TO GET SO POLITICAL)!

And maybe that's the solution for Hedberg!
He could hold a TINY sign that says "I'm against picketing."
And a smaller one that says "And I DO know how to show it."
And a smaller one still that says "The way I'm showing it is with smaller and smaller signs that somehow have more and more writing on them."
And a smaller one still that says "You have incredible eyesight. Thank you for getting so close to find out what my signs are saying."
And so forth.

Also, not only am I not AGAINST picketing, I’d say I'm FOR picketing.
And I DO know how to show it.
I mean, do I though?
Is the way to show that I'm PRO-picketing to make a sign saying "I am for picketing" and then go walk... anywhere?
Maybe I actually don't know how to show it.

Ok wait, I think I’ve got it.
I can make signs that say this:
"Whether for or against picketing, I don't know how to show it."

Or more simply, maybe I’ll make a sign that just says "I don't know."
The wisest sign possible.
(Other than, perhaps, no sign at all.)

Thanks for receiving my thoughts on that Mitch joke!
And now, here are a few jokes and funs of my own about signs that I’ve seen!

A) is for A sign:

i saw a sign that said “no refunds.”
i’ve never seen a sign that said “SOME refunds.”
imagine seeing a sign that said “ONE refund.”

B) is for how a Bill becomes a sign (you add the word “board” to it):

bill engvall is a comedian famous for the catchphrase “here’s your sign.”
i saw a sign advertising billboard a show of his.
the sign said the show was in december 2018.
i first saw that sign in august 2021.
i believe it’s still there in 2025.
i love seeing it always.
here’s your sign?
there’s his sign.

C) is for a Cold burn:

“good food, cold beer” is a sign i saw outside a restaurant.
i presume the place serves cold food and bad beer.

And those are all the jokes from me for today!
Now, how about some thoughts from YOU!
I have questions!

1) How are you doing? How is your heart? What is new and good?
2) Seen any signs that you think are funny or noteworthy?
3) What are your thoughts on picketing? If you want to show them.
4) Have you seen that Bill Engvall sign?
5) How are you doing NOW?

And that’s about it for today!
But before we go, here are some items for FUTURE days!
Some upcoming standup shows i’ve got coming up!

— Pulaski, NY: The Kallet Theater (TONIGHT, Friday, February 21)
— Saratoga Springs, NY: The Comedy Works (NEXT WEEK, Feb 28-Mar 1)
— Cambridge, MA: The Comedy Studio (2 Shows, Saturday, June 14)
— McKinney, TX: The Comedy Arena (Fri-Sat, July 18-19)
— Austin, TX: Cap City Comedy Club (Tues-Wed, July 22-23, link coming soon!)
— Tyler, TX: Rose City Comedy (Fri-Sat, July 25-26)
— more dates to come at punchup.live/myqkaplan and myqkaplan.com/tour

Finally, because I just booked this gig in Saratoga Springs for next weekend, here’s a fun poster my friend McKinley Cox made from a Mindy Tucker photo of me! Thank you for receiving all of this. Much love to you and yours and all!